UPDATE regarding Rafael Dovid and Tehilla Grunberger

It’s erev Yom Kippur, 11 ½ months since our ordeal which happened last October 11th, Chol Hamoed Sukkos. It’s been a long year but one of great focus, a year with so many lessons of life and insight, a year of distress yet a year of much gratefulness.

I can’t begin to adequately convey the multiple thoughts which flood my mind when I think about the gravity of this whole ordeal. At the same time, I can’t adequately express my deep appreciation and gratitude to Hashem for giving us life and to all who have contributed to our wellbeing and recovery through tefila, tehillim, learning Torah, chesed, and tsedakah, in our merit, and particularly in the merit of Rafael Dovid and Tehilla who were injured most severely. I also don’t know where to begin to thank all who have been there for us in every way imaginable, particularly so many friends within our St. Louis community who participated in shifts between the different hospitals staying with Elisha and Chaim during their stay in one hospital, with Tehilla during her 2 months in the another, and at Dovid’s bedside for 4 months 24/7 in a 3rd. All the meals delivered for 5 months daily; it’s mind boggling. We are grateful and indebted.

May the out pouring of kindness, care and love, and all the mitzvos of ahavas Yisroel and bikur cholim that were performed, be a merit for us all and klal Yisroel as we enter into the Day of Judgement and a New Year.

The New Year comes with a new slate and new opportunities. It’s my prayer that the improvements will continue all the way until they reach a refuah SHELAIMA, a complete recovery. It’s all in Hashem’s hands and all we can do is daven and continue to do all we can on their behalf (and on behalf of all who need a refuah).

Dovid continues to make progress beyond medical expectations. Last week, we reached B”H another milestone. He took 5 steps slowly by himself. This progressed to 16 steps, of course with someone next to him in case he falls. It goes in ups and downs (as we saw with his swallowing) but thank G-d the progress continues. He’s weaker on his left side but we see he's on his way to walking. He’s getting up off his chair by himself and standing straight. The small things we often take for granted.

Mentally we see great improvements also. His short term memory isn’t perfect but getting stronger.

He is in school full time repeating 2nd grade and has a shadow by him the entire day to help him and to work with him. His Rebbe told me that yesterday he was the first to answer a question that was posed to the class. His reading skills need to be built up as well as his writing skills, but he’s working on it, we see development and improvements, and we hope all will come back with time.

Dovid is still having Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy 3 times each week. The therapists are working hard with him in all areas. We are hoping that his left hand, wrist, and fingers will begin to work again. He is able to raise his left arm half way up but he doesn't yet have control.
Dovid is talkative but not always saying things that are with good discretion. He usually doesn't say anything terribly inappropriate but these brain connections are still in need of repair and healing. He is well aware of everything that's going around him, he's usually on target when answering questions and continues to pleasantly surprise us with him insightful comments.

He’s come a long way and has a long way to go but we have a lot to be thankful for.

Tehilla is doing well in Seminary in Yerushalayim. We’re thrilled that she’s there and on track to reach her personal goals and dreams. The affects of her injuries I call "rough edges" that continues to improve. They are not necessarily noticeable to anyone who didn't know her before the accident but we see continued improvements and she's functioning 100%.

I believe the miracles we’ve witnessed are due to chesed Hashem and the merits of all who have contributed towards their recovery through tefilah, Torah learning, and chesed.

I feel as we’re approaching the 1 year mark that there’s a need to ramp up our efforts to help Dovid overcome his deficits. It’s all possible because Hashem is running the world. Brocha and I would appreciate your continued tefillos on his behalf and one small suggestion which I believe has tremendous spiritual power is learning Shmiras Haloshon Yomi. The new cycle just began on Rosh Hashana and the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation provides various opportunities to learn the laws of shmiras haloshon including a daily email. If you are interested, you can subscribe by email to: editorial@chofetzchaimusa.org. Their website www.chofetzchaimusa.org . The learning of shmiras haloshon will bring brocha and by doing this in the merit of anyone you know who is in need of a refuah, this will definitely make a significant difference. Please keep Rafael Dovid ben Brocha in mind.

Wishing you and your family a gmar chasima tova, a wonderful year of blessings for good health, happiness, growth, and Kiddush Hashem through our choices.

Elazar Grunberger

UPDATE about Rafael Dovid and Tehilla - Sunday, July 29, 2007, 14 Av, 5767

I must start with thanks and gratitude to all who have helped us and contributed to our children’s refuah over these long 9 ½ months.  We are trying to do everything we can, but the successes and improvements which come from Hashem’s kindness, are fueled by the merits of all who care to daven, do chesed, tsedakah, and teshuva on behalf of Rafael Dovid and Tehilla.

I’d like to give a summary of what has transpired over these last 4 months since my last update.  As you’ll read, B”H there has been lots of chesed and improvement yet there is still a strong need for continued tefilos.

Dovid was discharged from the hospital on February 16 and on the 19th he began his day care therapies at Ranken Jordon Children’s Rehab Hospital.  After a month ,he returned to school for an hour in the morning to daven with his class and then proceeded to his therapies.  He was granted a total of 60 “visits”/days at Ranken Jordon which was covered by insurance.  After a few months, we cut down his visits from 5 days per week to 3 days per week and the last 2 months (May & June) it was cut down to 2 days per week until we exhausted the 60 visits.  During the other days, he returned to school attending a few classes and then the rest of the time was spent with a tutor designated for Dovid to work with him outside of class.  Along with this schedule, he has been going several times a week for continued physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.  On Sunday a number of generous and wonderful therapists, from within our community, give of their time to work with Dovid.  Since school has ended, he has been attending a day camp along with a personal shadow/tutor and is going for out patient therapies 3 times a week.

It’s hard to describe his mental status.  He is not what or who he was and his brain is still in need of much healing.  His abilities are compromised due to the severity of the brain trauma and injury.  Nevertheless, he has made and continues to make tremendous strides.  His long term memory is better than his short term memory.  His short term memory which was of the greatest concern seems to be getting stronger.  He is remembering things that happened yesterday or in the recent past more than the doctors would believe possible.  It’s not always on target or lucid, but we see continued improvements and are grateful for this and daven that he’ll come back all the way.

Every doctor and therapist who sees him, especially those who don’t see him regularly, has been wowed by his remarkable progress, albeit he has a very long way to go. 

Dovid’s left side of his body has made significant improvements.  I wrote in February when he began to move his left leg.  Several months ago he began moving his left shoulder and arm a little.  He still doesn’t move his left hand or fingers voluntarily, but we are hopeful and optimistic that it’s a matter of time when this function will return.  Even his face and smile which is predominately his right side, expands to the left when we encourage him to give a full smile.

His vision is basically good.  He sees near and far and recognizes everything.  His left peripheral field seems to be knocked out from the injury and there is damage to the optic nerve, but I don’t yet understand how it manifests itself.  Originally in the ICU, an Ophthalmologist Fellow examined him and stated his concerns about whether he will be able to see.  This was devastating for us to hear.  This news clearly caused a new wave of prayers.  The next day the Attending Doctor (who was in charge and teaching the Fellows) came in to examine him. His diagnosis was concerning, but better and more optimistic that the first doctor.  When I discussed Dovid’s eye and vision prognosis with both doctors, I mentioned how worried and distraught we were upon hearing the first diagnosis. The doctor apologized, I quickly responded that I wasn’t complaining, and that he would be astonished to know how his assessment inspired many prayers all over the world.  This happened a number of times with both Tehilla and Dovid.  The doctors would come to us with concerning news or a negative prognosis and we were jolted into prayer (Shemos 14:10, Rashi, Vayitzaku: tafsu umnus avosam).  B”H Hashem is running the show and as they say, “it’s not over till it’s over”, prayer works.

Dovid’s swallowing has been like a roller coaster.  During Pesach his eating was great.  After Pesach he had some setbacks, and it was a painstaking 20-40 minutes between each bite.  When the eating was weak we resorted to tube feedings.  Over the last 2 months we have rarely resorted to giving him tube feedings and he is getting enough calories from his meals and snacks.  For the most part, it’s going better than not, especially when he is motivated to eat what he likes.  We are keeping the G-tube until the doctors tell us that they’re comfortable with it coming out.

Dovid has been walking slowly with someone holding on to him.  It’s a slow process like teaching a child how to walk.  It’s not only an issue of his physical ability to do so, but also of his confidence and feeling secure that he won’t fall.  Last week he started to initiate getting up by himself even though he quickly sits back down.

Yesterday and today I’ve been encouraging him to stand by himself.  This morning we got up to 15 seconds, he then takes one step before falling over.  He traditionally says after someone catches him, “nice catch”.

Since May I have been taking Dovid swimming as much as possible.  It’s wonderful therapy for him and he’s great in the water.  He keeps his balance in the water, he walks around or more accurately, hops around in the 3’-4’ shallow water.  I’m trying to get him to use his left foot more when he walks in the water but he defers to his right.  When he swims, he does move his left leg but it’s significantly weaker than his right.  I throw him around in the water, usually head first and he swims and gets back on his feet.  In the deeper waters, he treads water and knows how to come up for air but I give him some assistance after 4 seconds because he’s not really using him left hand or arm and after a few seconds he begins to struggle.  When I put a noodle under his arms, he’s off and swimming all over the pool.

Dovid is in great spirits.  He often asks me, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”  I ask him, “Dovid, what are you thinking?”  He responds, “About me getting much better”.  I tell him that he’s getting better and you have to speak to Hashem directly and ask Him for a refuah shelaima.  I ask him, “Why do you want to get better?”  He knows what it’s all about and responds:  “to learn Torah and do mitzvos”.

We had a doctor from the hospital and his family over for Shabbos yesterday.  He hadn’t seen Dovid since he was discharged from PICU and in the step down unit, last November.  He (along with others who saw him from the beginning) was amazed as to how well he’s doing.  When he commented about how bad the scans were and how well he is doing, despite the prognosis, I am very grateful.  Truthfully, I don’t want to know about the scans and the extent of his brain injury.  I often think about complicated objects with their manufacturer’s guarantee.  The manufacturer is the best one to handle the damaged parts and malfunctions.  They created the object and they are most intimately aware of how their product works.  It just helps me daven stronger to Hashem in recognition that He created the brain, knows better than the neurologists and neurosurgeons how it works, and what it needs to heal and regenerate.  My constant prayer is asking Hashem to please put it all back together, so that Dovid can achieve according to his natural born talents and abilities.

This Wednesday, my wife and I are taking Dovid to New York where he was accepted into Camp Simcha.  We are very grateful for this opportunity, and we hear that it will be a wonderful experience for him.  It may not be the classical therapies he’s been getting, but 13 days of simcha and wonderful stimulation will have its own positive affects on him towards a complete recovery. 

On August 14th we are taking Dovid to the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor where he will be evaluated and enrolled in an intensive rehab program for approximately 5 hours each day for a minimum of 2 weeks.  The Chairman of the Department is an accomplished physiatrist and a friend of ours and has been following Dovid’s situation since the accident.  He has an excellent program and we’re fortunate that he has made arrangements for Dovid to be in his program.  The plan is that he will then chart out his continued therapies upon his return to St. Louis.

Tehilla is another testimony to Hashem’s miracles and kindness.  Her injuries were serious and her recovery is a testimony to the power of prayer and mitzvos.  From the time she was discharged from the hospital, she made noticeable improvements weekly.  She returned to school and within a short time was taking her tests and doing her assignments without accommodations and special considerations.  She’s upset that her grade point average dropped from a 4.0 to a 3.98.  As she continues to heal and come back to herself 100%, I hope that the worst of the consequences of her injuries was this drop in grade point average.

Tehilla graduated from Bais Yaakov St. Louis on June 17th and is running a small day camp.  She’s on her way to Israel on August 28th to attend Chochmas Lev Bais Yaakov Seminary in Yerushalayim.

We say during Mincha on Shabbos afternoon, V’ani sfilasi lecha Hashem ais ratson,…, it’s commonly translated  (Artscroll)  “As for me, may my prayer to You Hashem be at an opportune time….”, I often think of the words, “v’ani sfilasi” as, “I am my prayer”, as if to say, my essence is my prayer.  Tefilla is service of the heart.  In its purest form, our inner being cries out to Hashem for anything and everything because in fact HE is the source of everything.  This becomes so real when we are faced with something we want so bad and know it’s only in Hashem’s hands and all we can do is pray for it.  It transforms prayer from something external coming out of our mouths and lips to a prayer that comes from deep within, from our hearts and souls.  Unfortunately it sometimes takes a threat or a serious problem to jolt us to this level of reality.  When we become our prayer, when our essence changes to do and be in accordance with Hashem’s will, this is inherently good.  When we change for the good, it is spiritually good and therefore the source for our change is inherently good.  This helps us understand how even a difficult tragedy in its essence is good; nothing comes from Hashem that isn’t absolutely good.

We hope and pray that our prayers will be a direct zechus/merit for Dovid and we’ll continue to see improvements until the point that he has a refuah shelaima 

Thank you again for your continued concern and prayers.  It means so much to Brocha and I and we are confident that it has a direct benefit towards his full recovery.

It’s Tuesday morning and off to the airport.  May we all hear only bsoros tovos, simchos, within our families and within klal Yisroel.

Elazar Grunberger

Update about Rafael Dovid and Grunberger family, started March 31st erev Shabbos Hagadol, finished erev Pesach, April 2, 2007, 14 Nisan 5767

It’s been 6 weeks since Dovid came home.  The first week or 2 was an adjustment more in terms of dealing with his tube feedings, medications, all that was meticulously taken care of by the nurses and hospital staff while he was an inpatient.  It didn’t take long and my wife (more than I) have got it all down to a routine.

Last week was a special time for him.  His 8th birthday was on Thurday March 22nd and his Hebrew birthday 6 Nissin was this past Sunday.  Of course, he knows how to take advantage of an opportunity, he celebrated both.  He had a small party at school on Sunday morning for his classmates.

He has been going everyday to Ranken Jordan Rehab Hospital.  We drop him off approximately 9:30 and pick him up between 3:30 – 4:00pm.  They do the full range of rehab for him and he seems to make noticeable progress each week.

Last week we started taking him to his school, Torah Prep, to daven with his class.  He’s back in his old seat and desk and he’s beaming being back at school.   He’s there from 8:40 till 9:10 then off to his rehab.  The last few days he’s attending 1st period till 9:50 am and then off the RJ to his first therapy beginning at 10:15am.

Dovid is definitely improving yet we clearly see that he has a very long way to go.  Let me try to paint the picture with the intention that when anyone davens for him, I believe it helps to know what some of the specifics are which should help with focus and kavanah (proper intention).

His brain injury was severe and he had a stroke at the time of the accident.  This has affected the left side of his body and his mental abilities are of concern.  Thank HaShem, he speaks to us, answers questions accurately, has a great memory of the past, has a sense of humor, has a good attitude, and I can go on.  Thank HaShem that his left leg movement returned 6 weeks ago and has continued to improve.  2 weeks ago his left shoulder movement returned and he’s able to swing his left arm.  We’re told that the movement returns in this order.  I can cite several examples where his short term memory has demonstrated itself yet other times, he doesn’t remember special events that was yesterday or several days earlier.  My hopes and prayers are that it’s part of the healing process and that the fact that he does remember certain things tells us that the potential is there and it’s a matter of more time and more regeneration of what was lost in the initial trauma and brain surgery (which was necessary to save his life).

Dovid’s walking abilities have improved significantly week after week.  As he is held up, at first he needed to be prodded and encouraged to step forward with the right and then the left, now as we stand him up, he knows what to do and slowly lifts one leg followed by the other.

He is not yet able to stand on his own so several weeks ago I tried to work with him on his balance.  I stood him up and let go of him to get him use to standing and balance.   As he began to fall I caught him and stood him up again.  He again started to fall so I caught him again.  He looked up at me and said, “Abba, nice catch”.  There are other examples of his humor and alertness which of course is encouraging.

As we approach Pesach, it marks 6 months since this event happened during Chol HaMoed Sukkos.  I don’t dwell on this a lot but on occasion different thoughts come to my mind as, if only the other guy would have swerved to avoid a direct collision, or how could he not have seen us, even if he had the right of way, we were in open country, no traffic, how?  What if? If only….  The answer is simple.  The questions give away the answer.  It was meant to be.  Life is for change and growth.  This is our test and everyone has tests in life, the issue is how to deal with it, what to learn from it and to feel HaShem’s love through it. 

Even though we know that there are no accidents and everything has a purpose, as you can imagine, it’s painful to see Dovid like this.  He was a quick, happy, energetic, love of life kid always with a smile and cute laugh.  He enjoyed all his studies and did extremely well, he loved participating in the extra learning programs, he loved all sports and now he watches, now his attention and learning abilities are impaired.  With all this, his attitude is great.  I’m not sure if it’s because he’s accepting or because of his injury.  Whatever the case, it’s a blessing.  It could be so much worse and he’s improving!  Our attitude is that he’ll make a full recovery.  His current limitations and impairments, we hope are only temporary.  It may not be statistically in our favor but G-d runs the world.  2 weeks ago, Dovid had a check  ups with his Physiatrist (Doctor who specializes in rehab medicine), his Neurosurgeon, and his Neuro Psychologist.  All 3 marveled at his achievements and all 3 stated how he has surpassed their expectations.  Several months ago when I took Dovid back to the PICU to visit and say hello to the Doctors and nurses, Dr. Reim who was on call then, looked at him and after overcoming his speechlessness, said, “G-d definitely has a mission for you”.  I am happy and encouraged by their reactions and responses but truthfully not surprised s because I know it’s the result of all of the tefillos, learning, and all the many other spiritual efforts on his behalf.  They can’t explain it.  True, they say, his age is in his favor and that a child’s brain is like plastic with great potential for amazing recovery, but why?  How?  The more zechuyos (merits) we accrue in his merit and in the merit of whom ever we are praying for, the more direct contribution we are making to his full recovery.

The other day after the service ended, I approached the amud (lecturn where the leader of the service stands) and began saying one chapter of psalms (as I do often).   A friend approached me and asked who’s sick?  Who was I saying tehillim for?  I responded, my son is still not walking, his swallowing is not back to normal, not speaking normally like his old self and his brain is damaged.  The point was, it’s easy to get use to the status quo.   The first several months, it’s all new, alarming, and tragic.  Now, thank G-d Dovid is home, has been coming to Shul on Shabbos morning, is pushed in his wheel chair around the neighborhood when the weather is nice, and the shock wears off.

So as we approach the 6 month marker, I express my gratitude to all who have contributed to his recovery.  I also ask that we intensify our efforts to what ever level we can because clinically, the first 6 months is the most critical and the concern is that he plateaus, then the improvements can still come but are slower.  He’s come a long way B”H, but he has a very long way to go to get back to himself. 

This is the month of geula, redemption, and this is the Holiday celebrating the engagement of HaShem to the Jewish People which demonstrates His love for all of us.  This is the holiday to reflect and express our gratitude to HaShem for all the chesed HaShem has done for us, every step of the way would be dayainu (enough). 

It’s my prayer that Rafael Dovid and all of us experience and absorb the extra spiritual opportunities of Pesach to liberate us from whatever is holding us back from serving HaShem with love, whether it be physical, emotional, or mental.  The first step is for us to realize our potential and want to reach it.  May HaShem help Rafael Dovid come back to the potential he was born with and overcome the challenges he faces. 

We are grateful that Tehilla is back to full swing.  There are still a few rough edges and healing still from her injuries but thank HaShem she’s doing  very well. 

Chaim is off crutches in and around the house.  He’s playing baseball this season although he can’t yet run the bases.  He’s catching and hitting and part of his team which is good for his self esteem.  You have to remember, St. Louis is home of the Cardinals so no one can escape the baseball spirit in the air.  If you ask anyone in St. Louis, who’s number 1?  They’ll answer the Cardinals.  If you ask Dovid, who’s number 1, he’ll tell you HaShem.  The Cardinals come in number 2.

Wishing you and yours a chag kasher v’samayach, a sweet, joyous, and meaningful Pesach.

Elazar Grunberger

Friday, March 2, 2007, 12 Adar, erev Parshas Zachor

I want to take this opportunity to thank you and all our friends who have shown their heartfelt support for our family during these last 4 ½ months. 

There are different ways to describe this time period:  challenging, trying, difficult, painful.  Yet there is another way to look at these past 4 1/2 months:  awareness, appreciation, kindness, closeness to HaShem, closeness to friends.

It’s not only how we choose to look at events and life, it’s also about looking deeper at the events and challenges.  It has absolutely been trying and challenging along with painful and difficult but we have come to many realizations that sometimes we may know but often get ignored.  The awareness and appreciation of life and good health.  The awareness and appreciation of how far true chesed goes.  The outpouring of chesed from our friends and from the community.  The awareness and appreciation of HaShem’s chesed that we’re alive.  The awareness and appreciation of the power of prayer and spiritual efforts that have been done on our behalf that have made such a difference, no doubt.  Just think about all the extra tefillos, mitzvos and learning, the increased tsedakah, and the chesed projects, that has been the result of this. The deeper awareness and appreciation we have for klal Yisrael as a united and caring family. 

Each of our lives can be written like a book.  There are many different chapters with all sorts of mysteries.  The outcome could be in the next chapter or maybe towards the end of the book, but there is a plot, there is a purpose, and there is a mission

We can learn from our own lives and we can learn from the lives of others.  We can also learn from the profound, meaningful and true lessons that are within each Holiday and from every part of Torah.

Purim teach us very clearly about how G-d runs the world and the miracles He performs for us.  Let’s put ourselves into the Purim story.  Our lives are being threatened.  The fear.  The challenge.  The test.  The difficulty.  And, the pain.  With prayer and Mordechai’s leadership emerged the miracles that saved us along with the clarity that G-d orchestrated all the events which brought the miracles of the Purim story. 

The story changes throughout time but the formula is the same.  This applies to Klal Yisrael and it applies to us in our individual lives.

There are the fundamental themes that never change: HaShem loves us and everything that happens is ultimately for our good.  It sometimes takes some effort to keep this perspective and internalize this truth. 

As we celebrate Purim, let’s celebrate not only the miracles of Purim but let’s celebrate this underlying truth that HaShem loves and therefore does miracles for us. Let’s celebrate life with the realization that everything is for our good.  This is a deeper lever of celebration and helps us appreciate the Holidays and the events within our lives in a healthy and correct perspective.

It is known that Purim is an ais ratzon, an auspicious time where our prayers are heard and answered even more than other special times of the year.  Just as we are mandated to be in good spirits and give generously on Purim to whoever asks, so too HaShem gives generously and answers whoever asks, even if we're not worthy.  What an opportunity!

May I please ask that you/we think of those in need and daven on their behalf. I appreciate your on going tefillos for Rafael Dovid, Tehilla and Eliyahu Chaim, and hope that this Purim, as a response to our tefillos, their progress will jump beyond our imagination.  I think it's appropriate when asking for our needs, to also think about the tsar haShechina, HaShem's "pain" when thinking about the broader state of klal Yisrael and what we can do to change the world and bring honor to HaShem. There's lots we can do and HaShem will look favorably on us just for our efforts.

Dovid has been home for 2 weeks and it's been wonderful having him back home.  Today he completes his 2nd week at Ranken Jordan Rehab hospital day program and continues to make progress.  His swallowing is still an issue.  Sometimes he does and many times he just keeps the food or drink in his mouth.  With lots of probing, sometimes he swallows.  He can't yet stand on his own.  Both legs are thank G-d moving upon command and with discretion. His vision is not 100%; his eyes are fine, it's the brain connection to his eyes that we pray will come to full repair.  His spirits are great.  His communication is good and initiates conversation.  He's alert and cute.  His short time memory is a mystery which I'll interpret to mean that it's healing.  He remembers a lot but often doesn't remember events of yesterday, last week, and even several hours ago.  Yet, it is definitely improving and much better week by week.  It's in HaShem's Hands and He could give him a 100% refuah, no doubt, so we have what to daven and ask for.

Tehilla and Chaim are doing very well.  We still daven for them because they're not 100% back to themselves but thank G-d, on the way.

May all our tefillos be answered and this Purim bring us and klal Yisroel, simcha, yeshuos and nechamos.

Brocha and I wish you and your family a freilichen Purim! 

Elazar Grunberger

Sunday, February 18, Rosh Chodesh Adar  (finished, Friday, February 23, 5 Adar)  
 
B"H Dovid is home!  He was discharged on Friday, and we were thrilled to have him home for Shabbos.
 
This is a great milestone.  We didn't get the emotional reaction that we anticipated from him but he is fully aware and says that he's happy to be home.
 
Brocha and I are getting use to administering his medications and tube feedings.  The hospital staff, particularly the nurses have been great at teaching us and prepared an extensive manual outlining everything we need to know.  Of course when we got home, especially on erev Shabbos, it's not as easy as it looked in the hospital but it's not rocket science either, it's just a matter of getting use to it.  The feeding times, 5 different meds, rates, doses, etc... What's been a drop complicated is that over the last number of weeks he's been throwing up and they can't figure out why so we're just administering the feeds at a slower rate and it usually is ok.  They're not sure if it's a result of the brain injury or not.  My attitude is just plug away... he's healing and with HaShem's help, this too will pass and work out.
 
It was great getting him dressed in his new suit that he wore for the wedding and having him back at the Shabbos table .... I haven't written anything since Leah's wedding so I'll go back a few weeks....
 
On Tuesday January 30th, Dovid had a very special guest who came from New York specially to see him.  Lipa Schmeltzer parachuted into St. Louis for 6 hours to visit Dovid and sing for him.  The Social Worker reserved a large conference room at the hospital and we arranged for Dovid's class (of 13) to come and visit.  This was all a surprise for him.  Lipa put on an hour concert for Dovid, his classmates, and our family.  This was the first time he saw his entire class all together.  It looked like he was really happy and it truly was a great day for him.  
 
Leah's wedding was 2 weeks ago on February 1st.  Dovid was able to attend through some creative engineering on the part of the hospital.  They documented his outing for insurance reasons as a "social integration" which is part of his therapies.  They take the patients in rehab on an outing once a week so this was his outing...  A staff of 5 volunteered to accompany him.  The Social Worker drove the hospital van, 2 therapists (the PT and Speech Therapist) and a nurse drove along, and another nurse met at the wedding. I hope he doesn't get use to this royal treatment and expect an entourage whenever he makes future appearances. I negotiated a bit with his Doctor whether his 3 hours including the driving time or not.  I wanted him at the wedding as long as possible.  He was there for the Chosson's tish and bedekin, the pictures, and 10 minutes into the 1st dance.  It was wonderful and emotional having him there.  He looked great in his new suit, shirt and tie.  He danced by wiggling in his wheel chair and I held him and danced with him as well.  He was a bit overwhelmed and we were afraid of over stimulation but all worked out well.
 
We were happy that the next day he spoke a bit about the wedding.  He commented on Leah's white wedding gown.  This is comforting to us as we see more and more short term memory retained and expressed.  We pray and hope that his brain healing and repair will prove to be a complete recovery with full retention, insight and understanding.
 
We got word 2 weeks ago that the insurance case manager felt he's ready to be discharged as an inpatient and to carry on his therapies at a day care facility or as an outpatient.  The Doctor and staff tried to prolong his stay as much as possible since he's been doing very well with his therapies as they're happy with his progress but it was eventual and they saw time was running out.  We arranged for a hospital bed and the feeding pump, rearranged the house a bit and ready for his arrival.  He was suppose to come home either Monday or Wednesday but due to an infection he contracted, it was pushed off till Friday.
 
On the positive side, being home and back in his normal environment is also therapeutic and recognizing his old surroundings should help him.  Obviously it's much easier on us but that was never consideration.  Dovid has been flooded with visitors.  Shabbos was great with him home and tomorrow he begins day therapies at a first class rehab center, Ranken Jordan Pediatric Hospital.
 
Friends who are Therapists will continue to come to the house on Sunday to do PT and OT with him.  We don't want to miss a day since these first 6-12 months are critical before he plateaus.  This doesn't mean he can't continue to progress after 12 months, many say that brain injury and stroke can take years to recover, but we're doing all we can and B"H we see continual improvements on all fronts.
 
Last Friday early morning (Feb.16th) I was in bed with him and I had his left leg on top of mine.  I told him to move it off.  He took his right leg and used it to push his left leg off.  I told him "no cheating! tell your brain to tell your left leg to come off".  He actually moved it off!  I then told him to lift it and put it back on.  He actually lifted his left leg and put it back on top of mine!  This movement upon command has continued and we're thrilled and overwhelmed with gratitude to HaShem about this new development. 
 
His swallowing is improving a bit.  He swallows when given some crunchy food or liquids but then sometimes when it gathers in the middle of his mouth under his tongue, he freezes and doesn't know what to do.  To tell him to swallow doesn't help, he knows and acknowledges that it's there, he just keeps the liquid resting there until I give him a paper towel or towel to spit it out.  The Speech Therapist is dealing with this and hopefully it will progress quickly and all come back sooner than later so we can get him eating and drinking more and depend on the tube feedings less. 
 
His thinking and conversations seem to also be improving.  There are ups and downs which is to be expected.  He sometimes can't answer what seems to us to be obvious questions but this is usually when he's very tired.  Most of the time he is very alert and with it, and surprises everyone with his wit and clever responses.  He has a sense of humor and likes a good joke.  We feel blessed as we watch him progress and we appreciate all the prayers on his behalf which we are confident is making the difference.
 
Dovid's homecoming after 4 months in the hospital closes one chapter and begins another.  We hope his ability to eat, walk, learn and do all that we take for granted, will come back soon.  When I daven for this and for other needs, I wonder why should I merit to have my prayers answered?  Why should we get the answers we ask for and how do we have the chutzpa to ask with the expectation of being answered? 
 
What's even more chutzpadik is if we have complaints if we don't get the answer we ask for?  Why did G-d do this?  and/or why didn't He answer me? WHY?!
 
I think the real issue is before I ask WHY of G-d, I need to ask WHY of myself.  Why am I asking for this?  Why do I really want it?  What's my intention and what are my motivations?  What will I do with the gift I'm asking for?  Why do I want Dovid better?  Besides the basic love for a child or any loved one and not wanting them to be in pain or handicapped, is that enough of a reason for G-d to answer me? 
 
Perhaps the answer is yes.  G-d loves us so much and desires a relationship with each of us, it's not difficult to understand that love transcends limitations.  A father will give his son even if he's not totally deserving.  We can have an expectation of G-d answering us just as a son has the expectation of his fathering giving him a dollar when asked without even having to explain what he's using the dollar for.  Sometimes even $10 or $100 (when my kids read this I'm finished!).  To HaShem $10 or $1 million is of no difference.  HaShem created the world out of chesed and with no other calculation.  He sustains the world and supervises the world out of chesed as well.  So HaShem wants to give and He wants us to ask which acknowledges the relationship and demonstrates that we know where the blessings come from.
 
Nevertheless, even though our lives are living proof that HaShem gives us more than we could ever imagine asking for, it never ceases to amaze me how people can pray for so many things without thinking of the "why", why am I asking for this?  Why do I want this?  What am I going to do with it?  Is it ultimately good for me or perhaps it will distract me or be detrimental to me?  But we continue to ask.
 
What would I do if I win the lottery? 
 
I ask myself, why do I want my son to get well?  Just because that's the way the perfect life should be?  Everyone completely healthy, happy, rich, and free of all problems and challenges with a 10 day vacation every 4 weeks??
 
HaShem wants to give us it all and wants us to ask but for me to be real, I need to clarify why I'm asking.  Perhaps this is why prayer is tefilla, from the root peilel, to judge, to introspect and judge myself as to what my wants are and why.
 
I want Dovid and all my children to develop and reach their potential to do HaShem's ratzon, will.  Anything short of this is less meaningful and could ultimately be selfish.  Of course I want because I want, but to think it through and clarify the meaningful "why", why do I want, and why is this happening to me, is to realize that this is HaShem's world, we're here for a purpose and there are no accidents.  HaShem gives us wake up calls for a reason.  It's all out of love and for our benefit.  Why something that we perceive to be negative has happened, what is HaShem trying to teach me, is a difficult subject.  It has to be dealt but in the meanwhile, the knowledge that it's all for a purpose to benefit us and the world, that it is out of love, and that HaShem can bring Dovid a complete recovery no matter what the stats and odds are, is encouraging and more so, it's the truth.  The more we plug into the purpose and internalize the truth, the more we merit our prayers to be answered.  Even so, many times HaShem answers our prayers as a matnas chinam, a free gift out of love, even when we don't merit or deserve.  This too can serve as an inspiration to facilitate gratitude, appreciation, and spiritual growth, if only we wake up, think, and realize all these gifts.
 
So we ask HaShem, even though I'm not totally awake and fall short of internalizing all the truths which I'm working on understanding, to please give Rafael Dovid ben Brocha a refuah shelaima, along with Tehilla who is not yet 100% but thank G-d almost there, and Eliyahu Chaim who will be getting his pins out of his leg very soon, along with all the other cholei Yisroel. 
 
I hope that their refuah will facilitate a kiddush HaShem and inspiration for all of us to grow in emunah and bitachon (belief and trust in HaShem), in the power and beauty of prayer, and with hopes that we can all learn to be real and internalize the inspiration that we feel and truths that we come to realize.  Then, to live it and put it into practice in our everyday lives.
  
It's taken me almost a week to finish this update.  It's amazing to see Dovid moving his left leg just as his right.  To think that it wasn't moving at all 2 weeks ago and then just started to move just a little.... it shows that the connections in his brain are healing.  Now, with G-d's help, we hope he'll be able to stand on his own and keep his balance, begin to walk, chew and swallow his food, get his eye sight back 100% and be able to learn Torah lishma (for the right reasons) with the ability to remember what he learns.  All his faculties and talents should be actualized in order to mekadaish Shaim Shamayim (sancify HaShem) and fulfill his mission of life.
 
It's Friday morning, Feb 23rd, Dovid has been at Ranken Jordan's Day program since Monday amd it been great for him.  The facility is state of the art, the staff and therapists are upbeat and wonderful.  With HaShem's help he'll make lots of progress there to the point where he will comfortably walk out the doors on his last day (hopefully in the not so distant future) without any handicaps or limitations.
 
Brocha and I, along with my entire family, thank you for your continued tefillos and efforts for Rafael Dovid and Tehilla.  We have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to continue to pray for.
 
Wishing you and yours a good Shabbos.
 
Elazar Grunberger
Sunday evening, January 28, 2007, 9 Shevat
 
It's been 3 weeks since my last update.  We are very thankful that all is moving in the right direction with continual improvements regarding Dovid (Rafael Dovid), Tehilla and Chaim (Eliyahu Chaim).  Our concern and the need for tefillos (prayers), extra zechusim (merits), and HaShem's kindness for Rafael Dovid ben Brocha is still very pressing.
 
Dovid has now been in rehab for 2 months.  It's hard to believe.  He is making progress, thank G-d.  The doctors and therapists are very pleased and have commented as to how well he's doing.  3-4 weeks ago he was able to hold his head up for 5 seconds. Now, this is routine without a brace.  More that a week ago he started holding himself up in a sitting position, at times using his right hand to keep his balance.  This past week they started standing him up, of course wearing his foot braces and the therapists holding him up, but it's a start. 
 
The thrashing of his right arm is gone.  His movements are more deliberate and normal.  I wouldn't say 100% but obviously he has made B"H huge improvements.  His motor skills are improving.  He can grab and pick up small objects (with his right hand) and is getting better in putting them in their place.  He still has a "mean fast ball" as he sits up in bed or in his wheel chair and plays catch with me.  I can't say it's a strike each time but he throws in the right direction.  When I take him for walks in the hospital I have him press the elevator buttons for whatever floor we need.  His movements are not smooth but usually on target. 
 
His left side is hyper sensitive and he feels the slightest touches but he's not yet voluntarily moving his left leg or arm.  We're hopeful that it will come soon and is just a matter of time (and patience) but it is a concern.  The therapists aren't giving up but have shifted some of the therapy from stimulating the left side to teaching him how to deal with his left hand, arm or leg that is not moving.  We have seen traces of movements which is much better than nothing but it's not working yet, G-d willing it should come back very soon.
 
His swallowing is coming slowly.  He was swallowing baby food and pureed foods pretty well but these past 2 weeks he seems to have regressed.   He needs to relearn how to swallow and deal with the food in his mouth and we hope and pray that it will come quickly so he can back to normal eating and eventually not have to depend on tube feeding.
 
He was perseverating quite a bit, asking "what's your name" and asking many times again shortly thereafter, or saying, "Hi Abba" or "hi" to whoever is visiting, and repeating himself, but all this has B"H subsided significantly.  His responses and comments are usually very appropriate and on target but he's not his normal self.  Thank G-d he's not complaining or upset but at the same time we wonder what he's thinking.  I ask him where he is and why he's here.  He answers appropriately that he's in Cardinal Glennon Hospital because he was injured in a car accident.  What does he think about the fact that he's not moving his left side?  This was a super active kid who ran more than he walked.  Is he just accepting or maybe he just can't or hasn't processed the extent of what has happened?  Whatever the answer is, we see that the brain is healing and connections are repairing, B"H, may it just continue all the way.
 
Cognitively, he is aware and knows what's going on.  He knows where he is, what month it is, his teachers, friends, and many other details around him.  His short term memory learning abilities are of great concern.  His brain injury has directly affected his frontal lobes with specific consequences to short term memory.  We have seen improvements B"H and there is a lot of recent happenings which he recalls but it's still an issue which we pray will repair and correct itself.  He's 7 years old and the brain is still growing so we hope and pray that all the brain damaged areas will heal, create new pathways where necessary, regenerate damaged areas and fully repair.
 
We need to focus on the improvements.  He is more and more alert each week and he is initiating conversation even if it's usually small talk.  He often asks the nurses and nurse assistants their names.  They usually challenge him to remember their names and with a little time (and adequate rest behind him), he usually figures it out, sometimes with a bit of prompting.  His comments and questions are usually appropriate but we've noticed that he's been asking the nurses and others, "are you a Jew or a goy?"  It's a drop uncomfortable for us to say the least.  My wife found herself explaining to a few nurses that he's asking if you're Jewish or a gentile and that the word "goy" is not meant to be derogatory.  The other day the nurse came in (my daughter was sleeping in the room and overheard this exchange) and he asked, "what's your name?", ..... "are you a Jew or a goy?".  She was a new nurses' assistant, and responded, "come on, you know I'm a girl not a guy".  Early this morning I was sleeping in his room and overheard his conversation with the nurse, again asking her, "are you a Jew or a goy?".  After awaking, I followed my early Sunday morning routine of getting into his bed and talking with him and reading him a story.  I told him, "Dovid, it's not nice to ask the nurses and doctors if they are a Jew or a goy".  He said back, and keep in mind, I'm always looking for improvements in his thinking, processing, and memory, he said, "I'll do it a different way, I'll ask if they celebrate Chanukah or Christmas and then I'll know".  I was so thrilled and excited with this response.  It's not easy to see slow responses and when he doesn't remember  who was visiting 20 minutes ago, or yesterday.  On the other hand, he sometimes surprises us like when I asked him this morning the names of who spent Shabbos with him and he remembered both girls full names.  The bottom line is that we need patience and we need to count our blessings.  It's 3 1/2 months and he's come so far considering the severity of his injury and considering how dim things looked the first week.  G-d willing it will all come back.
 
Dovid has lots of his old personality and a sense of humor but he's far from his normal self.  Our specific prayer is that his swallowing and his left side will improve to full function and all the damaged areas of his brain will repair and come back to full normal activity and capability.  Another approach that I use is to daven is that he should be able "lehavin, ul'haskeil, lilmode ul'lamaed, lishmor v'laasos es kol devrei talmud torasecha b'ahava" - (to understand, to be enlightened with insights, to learn and to teach, to observe and to do all the words of your Torah with love).  What more could I ask for?  This tefilla should cover it all.  Please G-d he should have a complete recovery to fulfill all the implications of the prayer above and may his full recovery serve as an inspiration to others.
 
Considering all that has transpired, we have seen and experienced miracles thus far.   I guess it's all relative.  One could say, "it could have been worse", "it could have been different", "the car could have seen us", we could have left 15 seconds earlier or later, and I can go on and on.  The reality is what it is, there are no accidents and our job is to understand that with life comes challenges, tests, gifts, blessings, and opportunities.  We are so small, our comprehension is so limited, how do we begin to understand the details?  We can focus on the basic principles which don't change:  HaShem loves us, EVERYTHING that happens is hashgacha (Divine providence), and ultimately everything that happens, is to further the mission of tikkun olam (fixing world) and to facilitate a deeper awareness, closeness, and relationship with our Creator.  If our reactions and/or thoughts do not promote these fundamentals, then it's a sign we're going in the wrong direction.  Over the years I have given numerous classes on tefilla (prayer) but I must admit, my concentration, appreciation, and connection to tefilla is different than it was before this ordeal (albeit it's still far from where it should be).  I wouldn't consider myself arrogant and I hope this is the feeling of others as well, but I feel this event in my life has humbled me to a level that I didn't experience before.
 
This has truly been a self evaluation opportunity.  What is life all about?  What are my wants and desires, and what are my priorities?  I REALLY WANT my son to come back to his full self.  I REALLY WANT for him to have a full recovery.  It's on my mind constantly.  The prayers are rolling off my tongue intermittently throughout the day, in addition to the 3 formal times of davening.  I wonder to myself, when was the last time I wanted something so badly?  What does it mean to want something so badly?  So badly that it affects who I am and the focus of my activities?  What should we want so badly?  How much effort are we putting into clarifying what our priorities are and what they should be?  Why does it need to take a hard clop to get my attention to these issues in a real way?
 
I can't help but think of Parshas Vaeschanan where Moshe prayed 515 times to enter Israel until HaShem said, "enough".  515 times!  He really wanted it badly.
 
We're suppose to want, pray, and long for Moshiach to come.  If he'd come today, would we be ready?  We're suppose to want and long for knowledge of HaShem and understanding of His Torah.  I'm embarrassed to say how hard it is to make adequate time(s) in the day to learn.  We're suppose to be meticulous in our performance of the mitzvos; how many mitzvos are neglected or done by rote?  We should think about and work on our relationship with HaShem?  When have we given thought to issues such as our trust, love, and awe of HaShem?  When have we stopped to feel for HaShem's honor which is compromised by so many Jews who are living lifestyles far from Torah values and ideals?  When have we stopped to feel for our many Jewish brothers and sisters who unintentionally have no relationship with HaShem and the Jewish community?  What does HaShem want us to do about it?  What will it take to wake us up?  What are we suppose to wake up to?  The wake up calls (on all different levels) are to guide us to the realization that living a life of longing for and working towards perfection, learning and growing in Torah knowledge and observance, will give us tremendous pleasure and a higher level of meaning.  It will connect us to HaShem in a way that nourishes our souls to be healthy and happy.  It's all for our benefit and everything that happens is for our benefit.  If and when we come to and internalize these truths, we should automatically be compelled to share it with those we love, no less that a great investment opportunity with great reward and zero risk.  If we love HaShem, our families and our People, we will want to share the insight, wisdom, and understanding with others.  The key is to internalize these truths and live them.  It's a lifetime job which requires thought and effort.  
 
With regards to Tehilla, we continue to thank HaShem for all the miracles and kindnesses.  She's back to a normal routine.  She has an appointment this week with her Neurologist for an evaluation.  She should be back to driving and a full load at school which resumes on Monday.
 
Chaim is racing around on his crutches; there's no one faster.  His leg is able to bear weight and in a few weeks I'm told they'll take the rods out.  His spirits are good; I've NEVER heard a complaint.  
 
We're preparing for Leah's wedding this Thursday evening.  We're thrilled for her and for this wonderful simcha.  We are also very grateful to so many wonderful friends that have helped with so many details and arrangements, particularly Albert Glassman who is always there for us, for others, and for the community.  The chesed and support from all over is truly a Kiddush HaShem (Sanctification of HaShem). 
 
Again, I thank everyone for their care, concern, and prayers on our behalf.  There is so much to be thankful for and obviously still a lot to pray for.  I feel the need to ramp up our efforts in order to insure Dovid's full recovery.  Extra tefillos and increased tzedakah on Dovid's behalf, dedicated Torah learning in his merit, has clearly made a huge difference thus far, and will create more zechusim (merits) to help him come back to his full self and potential without any handicaps, limitations or deficits. 
 
With deep appreciation to HaShem and to all,
 
Elazar Grunberger
 
Yesterday marked 3 months since this October 11th, Chol HaMoed Sukkos event that has changed our lives.
 
We are working towards getting the family and household back to "normal".  Aviva is consumed with her school work and many school responsibilities.  I think she's stable and doing well.  It's clear that the trauma of the accident is something that will take a lot of time to deal with but she has a strong personality, a good head, and I think she's handling the ordeal well.  Elisha is left with an impressive scar on his forehead. He's doing great.  Chaim has been on crutches the last 2 weeks so he can celebrate not being in the wheelchair anymore (except on Shabbos to and from Shul).  He goes to the hospital twice a week to outpatient Physical Therapy and does daily exercised at home to strengthen his legs and hips.
 
Tehilla is thank G-d... all we can continually say is THANK G-D!!  "Ma ashiv LaHaShem, col tagmulohi alei", "How can I repay HaShem, all His kindness to me?"  She's doing very well.  She is still in therapies 3 days a week during the afternoon but it's a matter of time when she'll be back to her full schedule.  She's doing very well in school and they, her teachers and all her friends, have been super supportive.
 
Last night was the Bais Yaakov orientation evening for next year's incoming freshmen, new students and their parents or prospects for next year.  There is a nice presentation which includes a few speeches given by the Principal and the "G-O" (General Organization...aka: Student Council) Presidents.  Tehilla is one of the 2 Presidents of the School and it was so moving to hear her address the group.  She was great!  To think what mental state she was in just one month ago...  HaShem is the Rofeh Cholim and we are so grateful for His chesed in giving her such a marvelous recovery. 
 
Our days are very much focused on Dovid: davening for him, visiting with him, stimulating him, showering him with love and positive reinforcement, and looking for improvements in his mental and physical abilities.
 
B"H, there are continual improvements.  Yesterday one of the nurses from the PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care Unit) where Dovid spent his first 3-4 weeks, saw him for the first time and could only say that he is a miracle.  She then proceeded to tell my wife that they didn't think he would make it.  We've heard different comments and reactions from the various nurses over the last 3 weeks about how amazed they are with his progress.  The nurses and staff have been incredible; so warm, caring, and encouraging.
 
Dovid is holding his head up more and more.  Last week Thursday he was able to keep his head up straight for 5 seconds before letting it drop.  This week it's more.  We see more control.  Thank G-d there was no injury to his neck and spine but it still takes time to get his muscles and body working as it did before.  He's in aggressive Physical, Occupational and Speech Therapies every day mornings and afternoons.  He comes back for an hour rest between 12 and 1, and at 3:30pm he's exhausted.  They work him hard.  From 3:30 throughout the evening he has visitors which in itself is further stimulation to him.   The goal is for him to go to sleep at 8:00 so he can be rested for the next days' activities.
 
This past week, we believe that there has been slight movement in his left leg.  This is a wonderful milestone and we hope and pray it continues all the way.  The leg movement usually proceeds the arm movement and then it works its way up to his face.  Currently Dovid has a warm smile on the right side of his mouth but I seem to think it's getting better unless I'm just getting use to it and delighted when I see him smile and happy.  I'm told that a stroke to a child has a good prognosis and the recovery can be remarkable.  It's all in HaShem's hands. 
 
Several times this past week Dovid's good friends from School came to visit.  This was the first time his friends have come.  We were waiting until he would be more alert and look more presentable to them.  Last week they removed his stitches around his head from the bone flap surgery so his head looks less scary. It was so nice to see his reaction.  He was so happy and the visits were great. 
 
He answers questions, usually accurately, sometimes he's not on target.  He has begun to initiate comments and questions, usually short.  More and more we are seeing his thought process spinning in his head.  His long term memory is great.  He remembers everything from the past.  He was in school for less than 2 months this year and he remembers what his Rebbe taught him up until Sukkos, his Chumash, his shorashim (root words), and more.  It's something to think about.  What we fill our heads up with is what we have, and in many ways defines who we are.  Furthermore, as I'm constantly davening and asking HaShem to please bring him back all the way, where his head will be all repaired, reconnected, regenerated, whatever it takes to get his thinking, short term memory strong, and his processing and judgements sharp, ... I often ask, "Why?" The answer is we want him to live up to his potential.  He had G-d given potential which has now been damaged or better put, challenged.  We want it back.  We want him to be the Dovid he was born to be and reach his potential.  It's a tragedy to see that potential handicapped.  Now I ask myself, am I (are we) using my potential?  Am I using and living up to the potential I was born with??  Isn't wasted potential a life tragedy?  What a wake up call!
 
Rafael Dovid continues to need lots of prayers for a complete recovery.  We need lots of patience, focus, and bitachon (trust in HaShem).  Patience that it all takes a lot of time.  Focus on the blessings and achievements thus far for which we are very grateful.  Bitachon that through HaShems' infinite love, the merits we hope will be found to grant him refuah shelaima.  I have been very inspired by the writings of the Nesivos Shalom, the Slonim Rebbe, Rav S.N. Barzovsky, z"l.  Several places (there may be many) he writes that the yeshua, the salvation/rescue is according to the bitachon and, it's all possible, meaning -- it will happen --  if we trust and daven.  It's not a simple subject and there are many questions that can be asked on this philosophy.  At the same time, there are different insights and thoughts to appreciate and understand the concept.  If anyone is interested in the sources, I'm happy to share them. 
 
Merits, zechusim for Rafael Dovid and all the many cholei Yisroel, is what is needed.  The formula is Teshuva, Tefilla, and Tsedakah.  I'm looking for ways to increase merits for Dovid with the hope that his recovery will be a kiddush HaShem and a chizuk (strength and encouragement) to others in need.  I again thank all who have davened for him, and all who have made new and extra commitments of chesed and tsedakah on his behalf.  His improvements and developments have been an expression of Hashem's chesed and we hope that it will continue all the way.  Your continued efforts are very much appreciated. 
 
Mark your calendar: Everyone's invited to his Bar Mitzvah on March 29th 2012 (6 Nissan, March 22, 1999).  With HaShem's help he should be on his way to becoming a Talmid Chochom in all ways. 
 
Elazar Grunberger
Wednesday night, December 20, 6th Night of Chanukah
 
I last wrote on Friday December 8th.  Tehilla was then discharged and home.  Dovid was scheduled for his bone flap surgery on that following Monday.
 
B"H there has been continued improvements; they're both on their way towards what we hope, pray, and trust will be a refuah shelaima, a full and complete recovery.
 
Tehilla is totally functioning in all areas.  Her attention span is not back to her old self and her temperament especially with those closest to her is not yet with her old grace and mature control but she's on her way.  This is all to be expected and she is improving everyday B"H.  Her recovery has been, thank HaShem remarkable and with these items on the "punch list" we need to realize and be patient that brain injury recovery under normal circumstances can take 6 months to 2 or more years.  Here, only after 2 months, Tehilla is back in school 1/2 day in the morning and doesn't need nursing, only time for continued healing.  Her Principal notices a striking difference between Monday December 11th, her first day back and this past Friday, the end of her 1st week back in school.  She is continuing her Physical Therapy for her leg and Speech Therapy to continue working on her "Executive skills"  (judgement and decision making) which I think is almost all there.  All I can say is, Thank You HaShem and I thank all who have joined with us in prayer for her and for Dovid.  Prayers for both should please continue until they're 100%.
  
Last Thursday evening I took Tehilla to see Dovid for her first time.  After a brief visit, since Dovid was at the end of his day and tired, we walked next door to St. Louis University Hospital where Tehilla was airlifted to and stayed for 2 weeks until her discharge to rehab at St. Louis Children's Hospital.  Her first week was in ICU and her 2nd week was in the step down unit, she was totally disoriented and agitated.  When I walked down the hall to introduce her to her former nurses, many saw me and greeted me with a warm hello and "how's your daugh...." , then their mouths dropped in surprise and ... almost disbelief.....  They gathered around her and said, "this is a miracle", "this is prayer answered".  They called the other nurses that cared for Tehilla. The same happened when we visited the ICU next door to the step down unit.  The nurses called the Doctor (Fellow) who was from the Trauma Service who took care of Tehilla.  He was pretty straight forward, unemotional type of person, but when he heard that Tehilla Grunberger was there to visit, he ran up from a lower floor to see her and marveled at her recovery.  She didn't remember any of them but they all treated her like an old friend. They were so pleased that we came to visit and they were amazed at how well (B"H) she is doing for what is considered a very short time span.  It should be clear to all: Prayer Works and HaShem runs the world!
 
I have been davening that Tehilla and Dovid's recovery should be a Kiddush HaShem (Sanctification of G-d's name) in that those who know what they have gone through and how severe their injuries were, will become aware and give thought to the fact that HaShem is present, He hears our prayers, and He is the Master Healer.  I have told Dovid from the beginning when I wasn't even sure if he could hear me or process what I was saying, that HaShem will give you a refuah shelaima and when you're older and become a Rav or Rosh Yeshiva, your students will come to you for encouragement and advise, you can tell them how when you were 7 years old you were very sick and HaShem gave you a refuah because of all the tefillos and mitzvos that were done in your merit.  You can be a great encouragement to others who will need this encouragement to daven and trust in HaShem.  You'll be able to speak to them from experience and as a living miracle of HaShem's abilities and kindness.
 
I was pleased with the responses and reaction of the nurses and hope that they and everyone who will see Tehilla (and Rafael Dovid) will realize and internalize the presence of HaShem constantly in our lives and our responsibility within this relationship.  So many, most people, throughout time will say "In G-d We Trust", "we believe in G-d", will recognize G-d in times of personal miracles but then there is the classic short circuit where people don't carry out the thought.  What does it mean that I just experienced a miracle which I'm convinced of?  Is there something I'm suppose to do in return? etc... etc....  The truth is that is not surprising at all.  It's the crux of free choice.  After seeing a miracle or experiencing something which intuitively or openly testifies to HaShem's hashgacha (Divine Providence)  there inevitably has to be a challenge to maintain the "free choice".  Is one going to reevaluate their life, lifestyle, former choices and consider or reconsider the implications of what they just experienced, or not?  Will the individual change and commit to a Torah lifestyle which is mandated by the HaShem through the Torah, or compromise?  There has to be the choice and we need to choose to have a relationship with G-d and not do it because we're compelled or forced into it.  Therefore G-d created in the world this resistance to balance the scale so we can choose it on our own.  How sad it is that so many (including ourselves) conveniently get distracted from these crucial issues losing out on the growth opportunity or the opened window of clarity which could change our lives.
 
Last Monday morning December 11th, Dovid had his bone flap surgery.  It went well and was successful.  His head now looks normal except for all the stitches around his head from the surgery.  He was sent from surgery into the TCU (Transitional Care Unit) and then on Wednesday last week back to the rehab floor.  Last Thursday he was back to aggressive rehab.  His schedule is 9am -12 rehab, nap time from 12-1pm, and more rehab therapies from 1-3.  From 3 till 10pm he has visitors. 2 Girls from Block Yeshiva High School or Bais Yaakov come in shifts from 4-6, 6-8, 8-10 to talk with him and read to him. He usually falls asleep between 8 and 9.  At 10 or 11 pm, every night, someone from the community sleeps in his room to be with him.  The hospital has never seen this sense of community, care, and love.  In the merit of all this care and chesed, in addition to all the tefillos and mitzvos, I hope and pray that this too chalks up merits for Dovid, Tehilla, as well as all the cholei Yisroel who are in need of help and mercy from Above.  Truthfully we are all in constant need of merits.  The physical world in which we live is based on a spiritual system.  All that happens down here, EVERYTHING has a spiritual source.  Just like many wish to have a savings account or a nestegg available for times of material need, so too we need a spiritual savings account filled with merits to be there for us, our families and our communities in times of real need. Those merits are spiritual and can influence the physical as we can see so clearly if we wish to look and see.  Teshuva, tefilla, tsedakah, chesed all create merits especially when it requires mesiras nefesh, self sacrifice. 
 
We don't have to look far during Chanukah; this is what we're celebrating.  Miracles happen when there is commitment, conviction and self sacrifice to uphold the precepts of the Torah especially when its integrity is threatened. We can learn from the Maccabees and the need it no less today just under different circumstances.  It may take a miracle to bring back the entire Jewish People but the Maccabees didn't go into it faint hearted.  They knew it was the right thing to do and even if it looked like a suicide mission to the naked eye, they knew they would win because they trusted in HaShem. 
 
The following thought has been recurring a lot to me over the last 2 months.  I keep saying to myself and others, "I want my kids back", "we need to get them back".  This is my priority at this time.  2 of my children are in great need.  It's constantly on my mind and I'm making efforts to do something about it.  I'm so appreciative when others are helping to get my kids back.  I stop and think, 9 out of 10 of HaShem's children are disconnected, what would be HaShem's greatest priory?  How much nachas (pleasure) would HaShem have if the Jewish People would return (do Teshuva), "come back" and reconnect with their heritage and Torah?  How much pleasure would HaShem have if others would assist and get involved with "outreach" because they care, just as we care to bring back someone who's in danger, and as so many have cared and been involved to help get my kids back.
 
HaShem makes miracles today no less than the miracles we celebrate on Chanukah.  We pray and trust that we'll see these miracles with Rafael Dovid's recovery which will be an inspiration to others and increase everyone's trust and relationship with HaShem.  The extent of his recovery, how far he'll come, is totally unknown to us, it's all in HaShem's hands.
 
Dovid is remembering a lot and speaking a little more each week.  He's not always speaking coherently.  He answers most basic questions accurately.  He recognizes us immediately when we walk into his room with a "Hi Abba" or "Hi Ema" (and repeats it a few times) but he doesn't always get other people right the first time.  He's moving his right hand, arm and leg.  His right hand thrashes a lot.  He is able to control it when told to.  He's also able to point to something when asked to and sometimes is even able to touch the exact point; other times he tries hard and gets close.  It's definitely getting better each week.  The thrashing and constant swinging his right arm is a result of the head injury and as the brain heals, the thrashing will subside and become more controlled and normal. 
 
We got the first results of his vision testing which was quite positive.  He has only been seeing through part of each eye.  It was obviously very concerning.  The original diagnosis when he was in ICU the first few weeks did not project a positive prognosis at all.  We're grateful that his actual eyes are ok and the issues of damage to his optic nerve and the visual pathways back to the part of brain which determines his vision, seems not to be disrupted B"H.  We're so grateful to HaShem for this and now it's a matter of time for the damaged areas which are affecting his vision to heal and repair, G-d willing.
 
He has been fed through is "g-tube", directly to his stomach.  This week they are working with his swallowing and strengthening the muscles affecting the swallow.  There are 25 little muscles that work together!  Amazing.  He has been drooling less which is a sign that he has been swallowing his saliva.  When I ask him to swallow (his saliva), it seems that he swallows.  They are proceeding with extreme caution because in the meanwhile, he is fully nourished, and if he's not fully capable to swallow, he could aspirate due to lack of full swallowing ability which would be a major setback.
 
Today is 10 weeks from October 11th, the Wednesday evening of Chol HaMoed when the collision took place.  So many people, friends and others who we don't even know, have shared in this ordeal in many different ways.  We're humbled and deeply filled with gratitude.  We're thankful we're alive and we're thankful for the miracles we've seen and experienced thus far.  Just as every additional night and day of Chanukah was a greater testimony to the miracles of the lights, so too we hope that Tehilla and Dovid's light, their essence and influence, will continue to glow, and reach the full potential that they were born with. 
 
Brocha and I thank you for your prayers and mitzvos on their behalf, and for being an active partner in their miracles and recovery through your efforts.  Wishing you a freiliche Chanukah!
 
Elazar Grunberger
 
P.S.  Leah arrived several days ago from Israel and Reuvain her Chosson arrived the night before last.  Their engagement party is tomorrow night and we're planning a February 1st wedding here in St. Louis.  May we only share simchas together!!

Friday, December 8, 2006

Tehilla was discharged from St. Louis Children's Hospital today at noon. We are so grateful to HaShem and to all who have shared this ordeal/challenge with us. 

She is in great spirits, thrilled to be home, and looks forward to getting back to school on Monday. She starts out patient therapies next week, afternoons Mon-Thurs, which will probably go for 2 months. HaShem should please continue to give her brochos towards a complete, full recovery; she's definitely on the way B"H.

Everyone in the hospital (all the nurses, Doctors, and staff) know Tehilla well and are so amazed at her recovery. This is a testimony to the power of tefilla and all the efforts on her behalf. We always need chizuk (encouragement and strength) when it comes to davening, teshuva, learning and doing mitzvos, especially when it requires self sacrifice or difficulty. If we'd only know and appreciate the power and affect our little (all the more so the big) efforts make through our choices. Our prayers make a difference, every mitzvah goes into a high yielding zechus account which pays and helps us more that the most impressive financial portfolio. Tehilla's recovery is proof (for those who are open to see and choose to think about this). 

We hope and daven that Rafael Dovid (ben Brocha) will follow. I'll write more about our feeling at a latter time. It's serious but as I told several people yesterday: HaShem is the Creator, Sustainer and Supervisor. This means also... He created Dovid's brain, He sustains Dovid's brain (there's no cruise control..., every moment is an expression of HaShem's direct will), and He supervises all that's going on in Dovid's brain. The Almighty can put it all back together, He knows all the anatomy and how to make it all work. 

He is making improvements but it's hard to see him not himself. This is the month of nissim and we hope that his movement on his left side, his thinking abilities, and all that needs healing and repair.

Dovid is scheduled for surgery on Monday morning (December 11th) to put back his bone flap. It's a 3 hour surgery and they expect him to bounce back within 24-48 hours. Please daven for him, give tsedakah on his behalf, and do what ever possible.

May I suggest that you think of other cholim in need of rachmei shamayim (mercy from HaShem) when doing these efforts on behalf of Dovid. Please continue to daven for 3 year old Reuven ben Tova Chaya, 4 month old Miriam bas Devorah, and I just heard that 4 year old Zev Eliezer ben Chaya Shaindel is in dire need of tefillos for a refuah shelaima.

I wish everyone a wonderful Shabbos and as all the brochos for the week flow from Shabbos, that this coming week will bring refuos, yehoshuos, and nechamos for all in need.

Thank you again for all you have done on behalf of my children. May HaShem, the source of all brochos, bestow brochos for you and your family.

Good Shabbos,

Elazar Grunberger

Wednesday, December 06, 2006, Kisleiv 15

Today is 8 weeks since the accident. I don't like using this word but it seems to be the easiest to reference the event. There are no accidents. Is "crash" better? The "ordeal"? So, when I use the word accident at least you know of my discomfort. 

It's been more than a week since I wrote about Tehilla and Dovid's progress. I appreciate the continued outpour of concern and inquiry as to their well being. The tefillos and mitzvos in their merit have been so helpful as I'll explain.

I'll start with Tehilla. Tehilla has improved day by day, B"H!. We have been told many times not to look for progress day by day but rather week by week and month by month would be a better gage. Tehilla's prognosis originally was not something I am comfortable to share. Upon hearing this "news", tehillim groups convened, davening took place all over on her behalf and on the behalf of the other children. A website, more like an email address maketehillaproud@yahoo.com was created to increase zechuyos (merits). (go to yahoo.com, username: maketehillaproud, password: mitzvah)

Tehilla is thank HaShem on the way to a full recovery! She'll be coming home be"H (with G-d's help) this Friday, returning to 1/2 day of school on Monday and continuing with outpatient therapies Monday through Thursday for 2-3 hours in the afternoons. She's walking, able to bare weight on her leg. The MRI done last week showed the improvements and healing of her brain. She's still a drop anxious, quick to respond, just not yet 100% back to her old self but as she continues to heal, these small (mostly unnoticeable to outsiders) issues will disappear. Many would say she's almost 100%. If you'd speak to her now you wouldn't know that she is recovering from a head trauma. What can we say but, Baruch HaShem!!

We are so thankful and think about the question of how does one thank G-d? I can say "Thank You" and even say it with tremendous emotion but when one really has something huge to thank G-d for it seems that even a powerful thank you with all the greatest intentions is inadequate. 

We have a lot to thank G-d for. Where do we begin? That's the point; we can't begin and can never end. HaShem gives us more than we could ever imagine asking for and yet we still ask and ask. HaShem wants us to ask. It helps define our relationship and understanding that it's all in His hands and it humbles us to know where the source of everything really comes from. It also helps us define our priorities; what are we really asking for? Is this really important? Where does it fall on the priority list?

Tehilla's recovery is clearly a statement of the power of tefilla and our spiritual strengths as individuals and as a klal (community). It's the chesed of all who have davened for her and made her plight and our challenges part of everyone's life. This is what family is about. This is what true community is about and this is what klal Yisroel is about. This is what HaShem wants. We should care for one another and unify, hopefully for good reasons and not only in all of our times of need.

Last Tuesday afternoon Nov. 28th, Dovid was moved into the rehab unit of Cardinal Glennon Hospital. This was a great statement about his stability. He is officially off the Neuro team's service and now officially under the care of the Rehab team. It's a quiet floor with only 3 kids in rehab. The Doctors, nurses, and the Therapists are all wonderful and caring.

Dovid started saying a few words last week Shabbos a week and a half ago. He continues to speak and answer questions, not in depth. He speaks out but not full or long sentences. His speech is still a slurred but usually understandable. His left side is still not yet moving but his right hand is moving a lot and he's quick to give a high 5! He's not in full control of his right movements but it's getting better.

Dovid is sweet. He was sweet before this ordeal but his words now are gentle, kind and sweet. It's not exactly him but I guess this mode of response and communication is better than an agitated and combative response. He's in the process of repair and healing.

As I've written before, there are many unknowns of how far rehab will take. The damage and head trauma was severe but they say his age is in his favor. There are concerns about his movement on his left side, he has issues with vision, and there are unknowns regarding the brain injuries and his future learning abilities. The good news is that they also say he is 20 steps ahead of where they would have thought. He has lots of long term memory and we think short term memory. Part of the difficulty is that he can say some wonderful cogent thoughts, answer questions precisely and then say things that are not on target at all. Even after telling him something and him repeating, it doesn't always follow with consistency. I remind myself, it's only 8 weeks! These type of injuries can take months and sometimes years. The brain regenerates, heals, reconnects and makes new connections, rerouting and compensates for parts of the brain that is not functioning. We hope and pray that all this will take place successfully and all will come together towards a full recovery. It's so clear that it's in HaShem's hands and all we can do is daven and be patient. This is my son! I want him back all the way! I tell myself, it's HaShem's son too. He wants what's best for him too. 

Thank G-d he survived. I was told just yesterday that the fact that he had fractures in his skull and sinuses saved his life. It gave room for the brain to swell until he was air lifted to the hospital and they removed the bone flap to enable the swelling to have more room. The entire first week was a matter of survival for him. He has had some set backs along the way with infections and surgeries but all in all, he's progressing and making improvements. We have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to daven for. I'm told that it's impossible to give a prognosis for 6 months and sometimes even longer. These injuries are so scary! The brain, the thinking, responding, the activity is what we're all about. Machshava, dibur, and ma'aseh (thought, speech and action).

Your continued tefillos and any extra learning of Torah or performance of mitzvos as a zechus for Rafael Dovid ben Brocha is so critical. The start of his rehab, (today is one week) is the start of a new chapter. The first issue was his survival. The second was about stabilizing him and now, it's rehabilitation. He is in need of lots of tefillos and spiritual efforts (teshuva, tefilla, tsedakah and taking on extra mitzvos and chesed) to assist the rehab efforts and the healing and repair that's going on within him. There is so much we have to be thankful for yet there is so much that Rafael Dovid needs to come to a refuah shelaima, a complete recovery. 

We deeply appreciate your part in his recovery. It's not only helping him, it's helping us, Brocha and I, and our family. It's encouraging and it gives us strength and support especially when we feel emotionally challenged at times.

I just received a call from the Doctor who is head of rehab informing me that they're doing a CT Scan this afternoon and the Neuro Surgeon would like to schedule putting back his bone flap early next week. Be"H all should look well and go well.

Elazar Grunberger

Sunday evening, Nov. 26, 6 Kislev

I tried sending out this email last night but it didn't go out.

I'll just add a few things to the above.

Dovid is speaking a little more, slowly, not totally clear yet but clear enough to recognize (most of the time) what he's saying.

The 2 points which thrilled us:

1) The Doctor asked him today which sibling is getting married. He responded, "LEAH". He then asked him who the Chosson is. Keep in mind this is new information in his data bank, he has never met the Chosson. He responded clearly, "REUVAIN". 

2) Dovid has learned the first few mishnayos in Pirke Avos by heart. I started saying the Mishnayos and let him fill in the blank... Moshe kebail Torah m.... he said "SINAI". etc.. and several other times he responded correctly. The second mishna: He responded to: al ha.. "Torah", al ha... he responded "haavoda", and he completed the misha "chasadim"

This past week he has started moving his right hand a lot. We are hoping the rest of his body will follow soon with HaShem's help. 

There's a lot to be thankful for and there's ever so much to daven for. We shouldn't just daven for our basics when in need or when we are at a loss; we should appreciate our basics of health and family with gratitude and expression every day. How much richer and happier our lives would be with this little effort. I know this and you know this but I have been negligent and perhaps it's worth mentioning.

EG

Saturday Night, Nov. 25th, 5 Kislev

We have so much to be thankful for. I'm happy to share encouraging news. It is clear to me that we can gain a strong sense of chizuk and appreciation for the power of all the tefillos and mitzvos that have been directed as a zechus (merit) for Rafael Dovid and Tehilla. 

Last Tuesday (Nov 21) Dovid had a shunt put in his head to drain the cerebrospinal fluids. The operation was successful and he returned to his room awake and alert after the surgery.

On Wednesday morning he started to respond to questions by nodding his head. I thought I saw it in the morning. Around noon, my wife asked Dovid if he wanted Abba to return soon and he immediately nodded his head yes. This has continued since then, not exactly every time he is asked to respond but a good number of times which indicates his awareness and this level of communication.

On Thursday night my daughter brought her newborn Blumi (still getting use to the name...) to see Dovid. She asked him if he wanted to kiss the baby. He nodded YES and as the baby was brought close to him he lifted his head a drop and shaped his lips as if to try to kiss her. This is HUGE! It brings excitement, encouragement and tears of joy.

On Friday, the Physical Therapist came in with the OK to sit him up and move him to his wheel chair. Last week he was up to 5 minutes sitting up, his head and neck held up of course, and 3 + hours in his chair. Now the goal was to again go for the 5 minutes sitting up and an hour in his chair. As we together moved him to his chair sitting him up he had such a painful distressed look on his face and he let out an .... "AAHHH". It was heartbreaking to hear and at the same time we were ecstatic that he made a sound! This was the first sound he has made! We got him comfortable and he made it well through the hour.

Brocha spent Shabbos with Dovid and 2 friends spent Shabbos with Tehilla. After Shabbos I immediately called Brocha to hear how Shabbos went. She shared this amazing news...

She heard a few sounds from Dovid through the night so she figured she'll try to get more out of him. She told him how much we love him; Abba loves you, Ema loves you and who loves you more than all..... He responded, "HASHEM"!!! Of course it's not his normal voice, it was slow, high pitched, and with stress but he said it! She continued to read to him and he answered a question from the Parsha... I don't remember the question but he answered, "ROCHEL". The Physical Therapist came in to again put him into the wheel chair. Again, something was hurting and he let out a cry... my wife asked him, "Dovid, tell me what's hurting?" He responded, "my arm". The Therapist asked which arm, he responded, "my left arm". It was so...........wonderful. It wasn't his normal voice; he hasn't used his voice in 6 1/2 weeks. But it was clear and tells us that not only is he able to speak but to think and process, B"H!! There were several other words and responses in addition.

I'm trying not to say the word "unbelievable" even as just an expression. It's believable because "Ein od m'lvado" - it's all possible since HaShem runs the world. I just need to think it and live it. This whole ordeal and praying for the kids to be well is so out of our hands that it helps actualize the emunah and bitachon that we know is true in our hearts and minds. 

HaShem is always speaking to us and sending us messages. Everything we see and hear, witness and experience is no accident. The lessons and messages comes on different levels. Even if it's a bit far removed from me, if it comes to me it's for me to process.

So many people from so many different places have heard about this "accident" and have responded in so many different ways. It has affected so many, for the good and better. There are so many life lessons and truths that we can think about with hopes of internalizing to change us and raise our spiritual status. This is how we grow. It's so much better (I think) to keep learning from the events and lessons of others before the wake up calls need to ring louder and closer. Ultimately it's all for our good and HaShem knows best for each one of us. Not one drop of pain or suffering, distress or discomfort is without calculation. Just as a parent determines the duration of the "time out" or severity of the punishment that is aimed as being the best lesson for the mistake, so too HaShem runs and controls all the details of everything in life. It's back to basics: He's the Creator, Sustainer, and Supervisor and it's our test and job to live it... (walk the talk).

After the phone call and getting the kids at home a bit settled, I went to the Hospital to make Havdalla for Brocha (and Dovid). We were talking about birthdays so I said to Dovid, "yours is in March, when is Chaim's?" He responded, "APRIL". 

Getting past the tears of joy and gratitude, we can see that our tefillos are working and that there is continued improvement day after day. We daven that he'll continue to improve day by day all the way back to a refuah SHELAIMA, a full recovery where he will come back to himself in every way.

Tehilla is also improving beautifully. She is more and more focused and less and less agitated and irritable. She is more and more aware of her comments and reactions. As I've written before, she is totally with it, remembers everything, it's just that she's louder than normal and less inhibited to share her thoughts. Her normal self is very refined, well balanced, good judgement, etc.... she's truly a super star. She'll get back to this but in the meanwhile we are all seeing the process of recovery along with a sense of humor that we have never seen before. Nothing that she says is inappropriate it just uninhibited. She doesn't act like this all the time throughout the day, but at different times of the day. We are limiting the number of visitors she has so as not to get over stimulated and that her visitors come with a specific purpose or plan. Friends are coming to go over school work or to discuss specifics about some school projects. This has been very helpful and therapeutic. The brain is still healing and everything inside needs to reconnect. We are davening and optimistic that she'll have a full recovery Be"H and the Doctors feel the same. I believe she'll be in the Hospital for 2-3 weeks longer. 

We haven't been told clearly but we believe Dovid will be going to the rehab unit sometime this week, perhaps even on Monday. During his time in the TCU (Transitional Care Unit --step down from ICU), he has been receiving Phyical Therapy (more range and motion), Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy. Once he goes to the rehab unit, it becomes intense rehab throughout the day. 

We need to get Dovid back talking, walking, and moving all parts of his body. He has his sister's Chasuna coming up on February 1st in St. Louis, he needs to dance and say divrei Torah at the Sheva Brochos. Baseball season is coming up in April. He's the best on his team at any position and doesn't know how to hit less than home runs. With HaShem's help and continued tefillos, he can do it all. The most important is the extra learning projects I am hoping to set up for him. 

Thank you for your part in their recovery. Everyone's tefillos and extra efforts to create zechus for both Rafael Dovid and Tehilla is making a difference. Tefilla is the most potent tool we have. It works.

With deep gratitude and appreciation,

Elazar Grunberger

Monday night November 20th, Cheshvan 30, Rosh Chodesh Kislev

We are so overwhelmed with gratitude to HaShem for all the constant and plentiful blessings that He bestows upon us. It's very easy to be consumed by the daily routine, driving to and from the Hospitals along with the energy put into dealing with and caring for Tehilla and Rafael Dovid without realizing the bright side of this ordeal. I try to stop and thank HaShem for the fact that we survived this "accident", Aviva, Elisha, Chaim and I are doing well, and Tehilla and Dovid are making improvements towards a refuah shelaima.

Here's the update:

Last week Wednesday, Dovid had his major surgery, a craniotomy to repair a hole and fracture between his sinuses and his brain which was the cause of a CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) leak. The Doctors believe the operation was successful but have now found that the spinal fluid is not circulating as it should therefore they need to operate again tomorrow morning to put in a shunt to drain this fluid. This is a very common surgery and they actually don't even consider this a "set back" towards the rehab plans. Nevertheless it is a neuro surgical procedure with general anesthesia, and it is a call for extra tefillos and the need for extra merits.

The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning, Tuesday November 21 at 9:00 am St. Louis time. Your tefillos and extra mitzvos in his zechus (Refael Dovid ben Brocha) for a successful procedure and a successful step towards his complete recovery is appreciated and helpful.

Since last Wednesday's surgery, he was in ICU for 1 1/2 days and then returned to his room. His eyes where swollen shut due the surgery but started to open on Friday afternoon.

The swelling has not yet totally subsided although both eyes are open. He doesn't yet demonstrate facial expressions (except if he tastes something sweet or sour) but is following a few commands which is very exciting and encouraging. Already for several weeks he is blinking and squeezing fingers upon request (most times). Yesterday he has purposefully opened his mouth upon command and I then asked him to stick out his tongue which he did (it was slow and with struggles but he did it!) Maybe he just wanted to take advantage of the opportunity but hey, I was delighted! He's opening his mouth at different times as if to want to speak. I constantly tell him that it's coming, he'll be able to speak, walk, run, learn Torah, and play.... very soon with HaShem's help.

Following the commands gives us tremendous encouragement. It shows he's "with it" and processing. It's our fervent prayer that it will all continue and expand to full movement and expression. We humbly request of others to daven along these same lines.

Prayer is our powerful tool but why should our prayers be answered? The answer doesn't always come out the way we want. Why should it be just as I hope and want?

The focus that I am trying to share and convey to my children is the constant reminder that HaShem loves us more that we know what love is. All is for the good and for our growth, and our prayers should be with intent and purpose.

I have heard many different thoughts and expressions from others regarding this "accident" and one comment was even how this tragedy has "ruined our lives" and I can go on.... my first reaction was that it didn't ruin our lives - it actually has made all our lives better. We're changed, better, and stronger from this. We don't always understand G-d's ways but G-d loves us and everything that happens is ultimately for the good. It's for our growth to help us towards self improvement.

This is not blind faith. I'm not in denial of the severity of this blow. We feel the pain and the anguish and have shed more tears than ever before, nevertheless, perspective and understanding has to be with the head and not the emotions. It's true that G-d runs the world, He's the Creator, Sustainer, and Supervisor. It's true that G-d's way are just and righteous. It's true that G-d loves us more than a parent loves a child. etc... etc... Now I have an ordeal to understand and contend with, an ordeal that can arouse lots of different questions about life and G-d. The thoughts and questions doesn't change the above basic truths. My pain and subjectivity doesn't change the truths stated above. In fact, the above truths are the context from which to develop and seek the answers. The true answers will only be found from a true context and starting from the right orientation. There is a place to feel and deal sensitively with our emotions but not let it blur the spiritual truths that we need to know and guide our lives.

Therefore we hope our prayers will be answered so Rafael Dovid and Tehilla can do mitzvos with their full capacity. We want them to come back to themselves, for what? Of course our love for them is beyond description and we want them to come back to themselves as any and every parent would want, but we want them to have a refuah shelaima so they be plugged into the bigger picture. So that they can do HaShem's will and act consistent with the rules and purpose of creation. We want each of our children to make a kiddush HaShem and a difference in this world. We want to give them a proper chinuch (education about life) and direction as we learn and receive it from the Torah. So we pray with the expectation of being answered so they can be a walking kiddush HaShem, examples of Torah Jews living the ideals and values of Judaism in every way. This is our purpose.

Regarding Tehilla, she is coming along well. These last few weeks she has been totally awake, alert, knows and remembers everyone and almost everything, speaks and writes in both Hebrew and English, seems to be doing well with long term and short term memory, has a sense of humor, and I can go on to list the many other details that we have to be grateful for. All of the above is strong indication for a successful recovery. In the meanwhile, there are times in the day, sometimes moments and sometimes long stretches which covers most of a day, that she is totally not herself. She is agitated and confused, at times very emotional, all indications of the type of brain injury she sustained. The tefilos on her behalf have worked clearly to bring her to where she is, and this path with all the ups and downs, is what is clinically charted as the expected stages within the healing process which she should pass through and come back to her full self.

Both Tehilla and Chaim (Eliyahu Chaim) have both been told that they can start walking and bearing pressure on their broken legs. They are both receiving Physical Therapy to rebuild their muscles, balance, and walking abilities. There is sure a lot for us to be thankful for. The morning brochos sure take on a different dimension when we lose that which we unfortunately took for granted: Blessing HaShem for the ability to think, for opening our eyes (gives sight to the blind), releases the bound, straightens the bent, and more... 

I want to thank everyone who is davening for our children and others in need. Last week I wrote about Reuven ben Tova Chaya (Kirschner-St. Louis). Today he had a major surgery which went on for more than 8 hours. I happened to stop by to visit just as the Doctors came out with joy and confidence that the extremely complicated surgery was successful. He needs our continued tefillos that in fact it will prove to be a total success with no complications and the threats to his health and life are behind him with a now only a bright future and long life with good health is ahead of him to serve HaShem, learn Torah and do mitzvos.

May be hear only bsoros tovos, good news of good health and simchos within all of our families and communities, and for all Klal Yisroel.

Elazar Grunberger

Wednesday evening, November 15th, Cheshvan 25

B"H, the surgery today for Rafael Dovid was considered successful. The Doctors came out after surgery to inform us that which was set out to accomplish was accomplished with no surprises and no complications. He's recovering in the ICU on a respirator with plans and hopes for him to come off the vent sometime tonight and moving back to his room in the TCU (Transitional Care Unit) sometime tomorrow. 

We're so thankful to HaShem for His kindness and to all our many friends who we know well and those we don't yet know, who have put Rafael Dovid and Tehilla in their minds and hearts with tefillos and deep concern. 

The plan is for him to recover from this operation, regain the strength he just lost and get back to rehab. The unknowns of the extent of his brain injury and how much the rehab will help is dependent upon our prayers and merits. I keep reminding myself of "Hayipalei meiHaShem davar" - "Is anything beyond HaShem?". Rafael Dovid is 7 years old and Tehilla is 17, they are young, they are resilient, they are in a growing time of their lives and their bodies and minds can repair and heal as children do. With HaShem's help and through the tefillos and mitzvos done on their behalf, they can have a full recovery which we all so much want for them. The spiritual merits fuel the physical abilities and accomplishments.

I therefore thank all with such a deep sense of hakaras hatov (gratitude) for helping us and sharing the weight of this very difficult situation. Klal Yisroel is ONE family, we know this philosophically but here we are seeing it and knowing it on such a heartwarming deep level. It's really worth thinking about and internalizing this to the point where we can pray and care for other Jews, not only in times of need but because we're family and we care for each other because we are HaShem's children. What does a parent want most from his/her children but for them to care about each other and have shalom.

May Rafael Dovid and Tehilla, along with all those other precious children in need of a refuah, along with all cholei Yisroel, have a refuah shelaima where they can function 100% to fulfill their purpose and mission in life to make a Kiddush HaShem, a Sanctification of G-d's name in the world. Kiddush HaShem through their beings and actions is a great mitzvah and it's our hope that this will be their focus throughout life where their choices, decisions, attitudes, and perspectives will be directed accordingly.

Elazar Grunberger

Tuesday night, November 14/Cheshvan 24

Yesterday the ENT specialist spoke with my wife and me about the surgery. After reviewing the latest CT scan they feel that the endoscopic procedure of repairing Dovid's sinus fractures and sealing the membrane that separates the brain from the sinuses (if I got it right??), will not work. They feel the chances of success are so minimal that it's not worth trying. The way to fix this problem which is a dangerous situation and a source for infection, is by doing a craniotomy. This is a very complex surgery which could take 4-6 hours but is what neuro surgeons are trained to do. The surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning, Wednesday Nov. 15th at 8:30 am St. Louis time (in 6 1/2 hours).

It's been a sort of roller coaster of emotions dealing with this. At first (as I wrote in my last update Sunday evening), the endoscopic approach was the plan. We were hopeful. Then this news yesterday that the plan is off and what is now the new plan. Describing the operation (which I'll spare the details here) to a lay person without medical training, can be stressful. I'm trying not to use the word "scary" or "frightening" as a matter of principal. I tell my wife (really speaking to myself) that positive thoughts and focus is critically important to pull through all this. HaShem runs the world. The results aren't in our hands and even to know the definitive right way isn't always clear. The only thing that is clear is that we need to be strong and positive, for our kids (and simply for ourselves too) and trust HaShem. I've been repeating in my mind this past month this verse which I think is appropriate: "Kavei el HaShem, chazak v'yaametz leibecha, v'kavaei el HaShem" (Tehillim/Psalms 27). "Hope to HaShem, strengthen yourself and He'll give you courage, (and again...through the "unknowns"...all we can do is...) Hope to HaSHem".

I was thinking this evening about how this ordeal is a test of being patient. My history hasn't been one which exemplifies the highest levels of patience. Those who know me well understand this all too well. I like action, implementation, and results. With regards to Dovid's situation and Tehilla's recovery process, as I've written before, the unknowns are many and no one can commit to a definitive prognosis. There are improvements B"H but this period of a recovery process and seeing them in this state, is difficult and challenging. It's a test of being patient and realizing the results and the hopeful blessings of success for them will come in the future. We need to look at their recovery in terms of week by week, more so month by month. Be"H it will all come together soon but I have to be patient.

It hit me today how the following thought about Avraham and Lech lecha is so applicable to our situation. Avraham was commanded (tested) by G-d to, "GO!" "Lech Lecha", Go,- "lecha", for your own benefit......... "to that land which I'll show you". I'm aware of some of the different explanations of why HaShem did not tell Avraham where he was going. "Lech lecha", "Go... it's for your benefit". You may not know or see of all the benefits or the "why" to all this, but it's "for you". It's a life changing event and experience. We have the potential to become better and stronger people in many different ways. We have the opportunity to come closer to HaShem in ways we didn't realize before. We have the opportunity to internalize (hopefully) many lessons and understandings that we didn't internalize before. So... "Go!" "to the place where I"ll show you"... the "unknowns". We don't know the outcome. We don't have a definitive prognosis. It's unknown and with time it will become known. HaShem didn't send out Avraham to this unknown place to hurt him. On the contrary, it was "lecha"- "for you benefit". So too all tests and circumstances HaShem sends our way is ultimately for your growth, benefit and reward. HaShem gave Avraham reward "all col psia v'psia", every step he took was a testimony to his trust in HaShem, it was a step which intrinsically helped him develop his new identity, and it was a step towards this unknown goal which was a great gift for all generations. 

So the plan tomorrow morning is to repair these fractures. We hope and pray that all will go smoothly without complications and that his recovery will be quick so he can proceed with aggressive rehab. We hope and pray that the injuries in his head will repair and together with the rehab, he'll regain his ability to move, talk, walk, run, play and learn, be"H (with G-d's help), all to be able to serve HaShem as a proper Jew. 

We appreciate all the expressions of concern and prayers which we have received directly and indirectly. It is very encouraging and appreciated. If I may, I would like to take this opportunity to share with you 3 names of 3 other children that are also in need of rachmei shamayim (Heavenly mercy). They are all in very difficult situations and our tefillos are needed and would be appreciated. Reuvain ben Tova Chaya (Kirschner-St. Louis), Asher Yosef ben Yenta Chana (Friedman-Baltimore), and Miriam bas Devorah (Ligator-Kiryat Sefer). In the merit of our davening for them and others, we should see a complete refuah for them along with all cholei Yisroel. 

Looking forward to yeshuos v'nechamos and sharing only simchas.

Thank you,

Elazar Grunberger

Sunday night, November 12th

My last update about Refael Dovid was last Tuesday while he was in the ICU due to high temperature and fighting his infection. B"H his stay in the ICU was less than 48 hours and last Wednesday afternoon they returned him to the TCU (Transitional Care Unit) greeted by his new caring friends, the nurses and staff of that division. Since Wednesday, B"H he has been stable with the infection under control and no concerning temperature.

It's interesting that in many aspects of life we can make plans involving other people and conditions out of our hands, with the expectation that all will run smoothly with no glitches. We pick up the phone, dial a number and have full expectation that all the connections will fall right in place including our desired party to answer on the first ring. How annoying it is when we get a busy signal (a chutzpa they're on the phone when I'm trying to call) and double annoying when we get that fast busy signal indicating that the circuits are not bowing to my need to get through RIGHT NOW! But for the most part, systems seem to run smoothly and in order; we have little to really gripe about, even if we catch a few more red lights than green.

When it comes to spiritual growth and achieving the depths of meaningful relationships, it seems that the norm is a bit different. There are more noticeable bumps in the road and challenges that require careful thought to overcome in order to achieve success. These tests often stop us in our tracks (they ought to) and require reevaluation and thoughtfulness. The bigger the tests, the more potential for us to humble ourselves and recognize how powerless we are. Ultimately we're suppose to "get it" (and the sooner the better) that "Ein od m'levado" "there is nothing else besides HaShem", we declare "HaShem Echad", "HaShem is One", all with a master plan and He's in control. The goal is to live it and "walk the talk".

So this is where we are, humbled by this crossroads in Rafael Dovid's situation. Before the bone flap can be replaced on Dovid, he needs to have his fractures around his sinuses repaired. Their recommendation is to have the ENT team do this although they are not overly optimistic is say the least due to the size of problem. On the other hand, the alternative is much more complicated and invasive thus the consensus is that it's worth the effort and relatively minimal risk compared to the alternative. They have given stats projecting the chances of success (or lack thereof) of this endoscopies procedure and here's part of the nisayon, the test: there is a place for the stats and the scientific approach to evaluate the benefits/risks, pros/cons but ultimately, when the decision is made, it's not up to the percentages, it's directly in the hands of HaShem. The Doctors want to be successful but they are the ones warning about the risks. They know going into this that it's beyond them, all they can do is try. Here's where our internalization issue, the walk the talk challenge, glares us in the face. We are planning to get some more opinions tomorrow but in the mean time and as we approach this operation, we need to pray a lot, we need to pull on the spiritual formulas that direct us to success, and we also need to realize the reality that as the Torah states this past week (Vayeira), "hayipalei maHashem davar?", "Is anything beyond HaShem?" He's the Creator, Sustainer, and Supervisor", everything has a plan and has a time. We hope and pray from our perspective, that the operation (Wednesday 1:30 pm) will be successful and it be the right time for him to hurdle this challenge towards his recovery, please G-d.

In the meanwhile, the unknowns of what will be are more than what we can anticipate, but isn't that how life is in general? Dovid is seeing and hearing, we think and hope more than less. We're not sure if it's 100% but he seems to track and have responses. He is trying hard to move his fingers on his right hand and a bit on his left too. He is reacting to taste and gets agitated when being poked and moved around. The big news last week was that he is blinking upon command. I spoke to him saying that I understand that you can't talk yet but I want you to blink your eyes.... he gave a definite blink. Brocha thinks he shed some tears yesterday which is on the one hand a bit heart breaking but on the other hand extremely exciting that he is responding with emotion. This is the second time this has been noticed, we hope it was true and purposeful.

HaShem should please help him continue to redevelop and heal where he'll soon be able to express himself with words and cogent thoughts, and that his mind and body will heal and be in full capacity to learn Torah, run to do mitzvos and live a high quality productive life. All tefillos for Rafael Dovid to achieve this and for a successful surgery, are greatly appreciated.

Tehilla is still at Children's Hospital rehab unit. Her jaw and leg are healing. She is still very agitated and not herself but recognizes everyone and knows details. We hope and pray that soon she will come back to herself and her mind will heal completely. It's hard to watch but we are encouraged by the tefillos and the optimism that this is part of the recovery process. 

Chaim (Eliyahu Chaim) is still wheel chair bound. His fractured leg is healing and we hope he'll be up on crutches within 2 weeks. He's such a trooper! Not one complaint ever out of his mouth. He's very practical and pragmatic. 

Elisha is back in full swing with his evening learning in addition to his full days. He's still in a sling but playing football and baseball. I asked him how he can play ball while your left hand is in a sling? Simple, he's the quarterback for all the football games and the pitcher for baseball, he catches barehanded with his right. 

Brocha and I (and our entire family) thank everyone for their continued concern, tefillos, and the many extra efforts of chesed, tsedakah, and mitzvah observance in the zechus (merit) of Tehilla and Rafael Dovid. It's working! They have a long way to go but "hayipalei maHashem davar?", "Is anything beyond HaShem?". In the merit of the outpouring of tefillos to HaShem we look forward to a refuah shelaima, a complete recovery for both of them, IM"H, may it be HaShem's will.

Thank you.

Elazar Grunberger

Tuesday night, November 7, 2006, 16 Cheshvan

Rafael Dovid was scheduled for surgery yesterday morning to put back his bone flap. He was taken down to the Operating Room and in the course of routine evaluations and preparations, they found some complications which seems to originate with fractures by his sinuses. Surgery was canceled (postponed) and the Neuro team is consulting with the ENT team as to how to proceed. 

In the meanwhile, yesterday afternoon and again in the middle of last night, his temperature spiked to concerning heights; they aggressively did what needed to be done including putting him back into ICU. The ICU staff and nurses are wonderful and most greeted us with the remarks, "you were only suppose to have a ONE WAY ticket out of here" but in the meanwhile, today he was stable and we hope that tonight will follow in the same way. We hope that the source of his infection will be conclusively discovered and treated. This is a major threat to his recovery and of concern to all of us. Tefillos are surely needed.

No news with Tehilla except that she seems to be on course with the process of recovery. Her agitation, disorientation, and confusion is hard to watch but we're encouraged by all the wonderful signs of improvement and recovery she has made. Her memory seems to be remarkable and we just need keep focus on the great improvements with the understanding that her issues will pass with time, hopefully sooner than later.

The set backs and these bumps in the road, do push us even more to realize and focus on who's in control. We pray that HaShem will give us understanding and at least in the merit that we want it, should be a zechus for Rafael Dovid, Tehilla and others in need of a refuah and rachmei shamayim.

Thank you again for the concern and tefillos. They are no less needed now and we appreciate all who are helping us by davening and doing mitzvos in their merit and in the merit that all cholei Yisroel will have a refuah shelaimu.

Elazar Grunberger

November 6, 2006 1;15am

It's 3 1/2 weeks; Wednesday night will be one month since we encountered this ordeal.

I wish I could track the flood of thoughts, ideas, emotions, and insights that have crossed my mind and heart. 

I think about what is the human experience all about anyway: it's about "u'Vacharta BaChaim" ("and Choose Life"). We don't live in utopia. We don't live free of tests and challenges. We haven't yet perfected the world (starting with ourselves) to merit the dream existence which we don't exactly have a conceptual grasp on anyway. We're distracted. We loose sight of what is really important and what our true priorities should be. I'm at least speaking about myself. So we get different levels of wake up calls, all for our benefit and good. We need to make the right choices and respond to all the different challenges, opportunities, and gifts, in the proper and effective way. This is the choice and this is part of the test. We strive and are committed to keep the right attitude, perspective, and focus and hope that we're making the right choices. 

There are times when reality hits home. This is the time, which I hope that I, my wife and my kids, will be able to internalize the basics of life: "we're not in control", "prayer is real and works", "HaShem is the Rofeh Cholim" (and the Doctors are the wonderful agents), "there's a master plan and all is for the good", and many more basic and important life lessons.

The more we internalize these critical tenants of life, the more zechusim (merits) will accrue in the merit of those who need merits, including ourselves and all of our families, particularly for Tehilla and Rafael Dovid who are in need of rachmei shamayim, (mercy from Heaven).

Here's the update:

Tehilla has made tremendous strides. She talks a lot, she's writing, reading, recognizing most of her visitors and friends, she's welcoming, courteous, friendly, and more; all good signs towards a great recovery. In the meanwhile, with all the appreciation of how far she's come, she is far from her self and her injury still takes its toll in disorientation, confusion, agitation, and other distressful signs. This I'm told is part of the healing and recovery process and the positive signs thus far are very encouraging for the short term and long term possibilities and prognosis, be"H (with G-d's help). To translate this into practical terms, how the head heals and everything reconnects (please G-d), re energizes, regenerates, and gets back to normal, is all up to HaShem which means our tefillos (prayers) and efforts to create merits are critically important. 

The same goes for Rafael Dovid. He has made improvements. His eyes are opened (for over a week), his pupils are normal (Thank G-d), he seems to be looking, he's trying to move his hands a bit. Last Wednesday, they started sitting him up in a wheel chair for different time periods. He looks much better in a chair than in bed the entire time. Today, my daughter and the nurses are convinced that he blinked and nodded upon command. I hope it's true which is a huge step. These accomplishments, especially for his age, are encouraging signs for rehab. Our job is to daven with him, love him, read to him, play music, caress him, and encourage him. I hope it's giving him strength and comfort under his circumstances.

I mentioned on Shabbos during my Drasha (sermon) how ecstatic the nurses and we felt when his pupils responded to light! How excited we were when the neurologist pinched his leg and he reacted! How he responded to a lemon stick touching his tongue along with what I believe was a somewhat sour face. !! Wow! We say our morning Brochos everyday which enumerates all our basic gifts and blessings; and how much do we pay attention? Why is it that for so many of us, we need a "reminder" to appreciate all our wonderful blessings? 

Tomorrow morning, 7:30 am St. Louis time (in 6 1/2 hours from now), Rafael Dovid is scheduled for surgery to put back his bone flap, the part of the skull that was removed to allow the swelling to take it's course during the first critical week after the accident. Thank G-d, as I wrote earlier, each week he made tremendous strides which we hope will continue all the way to a full recovery.

We appreciate the outpour of concern and tefillos on their behalf. It's our hope and prayer that all the many tehillim, learning in their merit, tefillos, chesed and numerous other efforts to increase zechuyos, will not only be a direct merit to Tehilla and Rafael Dovid but as Mesilas Yesharim writes, "haOseh Chesed, mekabail Chesed", (one who does chesed will receive chesed), and everyone will see nachas and simcha, yeshuos, venechamos within your own families and communities. The spiritual energies and merits that are generated should also benefit all Cholei Yisroel, all who are sick and need our prayers.

On a simcha note: our newborn granddaughter born last week to our daughter Sora Liba and Binyomin Yudin, was named, Bluma (Blumi) after Binyomin's late grandmother. 

On another simcha note: we are beginning to make plans for Leah's chasuna which looks like it will be here in St. Louis sometime in Shevat, late January or early February. We daven that Tehilla and Rafael Dovid will be able to dance and bring joy to the Choson and Kallah.

We appreciate your continued tefillos and efforts which has worked thus far and we pray will continue until both will be granted a full recovery, complete in body and mind to serve HaShem with their full abilities, talents, and understanding, and without handicaps, deficits or limitations. 

Thank you.

Elazar Grunberger

November 1, 2006 1:46 am

My daughter Sora Liba Yudin just gave birth an hour ago to a baby girl! Mother and baby (and father - Binyomin) are doing great. Brocha and I are thrilled!

Sora Liba's 2 children have many Uncles and Aunts. I believe their favorite is Uncle Dovid (Rafael Dovid). I guess they enjoy their 7 year old Uncle, (maybe it's because of all the treats and special privileges he gives them). We hope this new addition will also enjoy Dovid like Yossele and Goldie, and he can continue to be a great, gentle and loveable example to them and to us with all his personality in tact.

Dovid was moved today out of ICU to a step down unit. This is a good step and a good sign. He's stable and getting stronger to commence with a full time rehab program. There's no significant changes otherwise since my email last night. He needs lots of prayers and rachmei shamayim (Heavenly mercy) to heal and come back to his full self. 

Brocha and I met today with Tehilla's Doctors and the team of rehab therapists. They are all very positive and impressed with her progress. The tefillos are making a difference and we hope that she too will come back all the way and stronger!

It's a pleasure to share wonderful news. May we only share good news and simchas with each other.

Elazar Grunberger

October 31, 2006 12:57 am

Tehilla and Rafael Dovid are B"H making improvements every day. They have actually hit a few milestones over the last few days which we thank HaShem for and daven that this direction and improvements will only continue until they are both 100% well.

Tehilla has been at St. Louis Children's Hospital rehab unit since last Wednesday. Objectively, each and every day has been B"H with great improvements. The big news today was they removed her trache. She recognizes her friends and others, she writes in both English and Hebrew (in small doses), and there are other very encouraging and positive signs of her improvement. On another level, she's at a stage of healing which is difficult to watch because she is not yet herself. Her speech patterns, her unsettledness, her focus, is as if she has a high fever or severe flu. At times she's lucid and times she's not. The Doctors, nurses and therapists all say that this is the normal process of healing and are optimistic with the prognosis. Again, optimism and good stats are nice to hear but we need to daven hard that she returns to herself. When there is a head injury, it's really scary. When you see a friend, a loved one and all the more so a child, just not themselves, it's so difficult. I tell my wife (really I'm telling myself) we need to focus on the brachos, we need to appreciate the nissim over these last 19 days, and G-d willing, next week and next month, they will both be completely in a different place than they are now, hopefully much closer to a full recovery. 

Regarding Dovid (Rafael Dovid), This past Friday the Intensive Care Doctors agreed that they would try to take him off the respirator and see if he could sustain breathing on his own. They weren't sure and bet a 60% chance for success. The issue was whether or not they would need to give him a trache. B"H, he did very well and and since Friday evening he was been breathing 100% on his own which means that his brain is sending the right message to his airways to stay open. Clinically he is doing very well and he's looking better. They started with him a mild regiment of Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy. The plan is to take him out of ICU tomorrow and place him in a step down unit until he's ready to go into the rehab unit which they guess will be between 3 days to one week. He has his eyes opened but we don't know if he sees at this point, how much he sees, and we don't know how much he is processing. We just talk to him, sing to him, shower him with love, hope, tefilos, learning, and stories. They say that the next 2-4 weeks are very critical to his responses to the evaluations. They are still weaning him off of heavy medications. It takes time and is process to avoid issue of withdrawal after being on these sedatives for so long. 

At this point, as we look at what's ahead, it's as if we're entering into a new Chapter 1. B"H, "survival" which was the issue the first 7 days is not anymore a concern. The next stage was his stability, weaning him off the breathing machine and the heavy sedation. Now the concern is where is he at, what are the consequences of his head trauma, and how far will rehab take him. There are many unknowns and no one dares to make predictions. The truth is that "stats" and "percentages" are irrelevant. They could be encouraging but every situation is unique and the outcome for my son and daughter is what it will be, no stats will make the real difference. The real encouragement is that HaShem runs the world and we rely on Him. It's not even an issue of being religious; it's simply the real bottom line. The Doctors and nurses all say that it's not in their hands, they can't say what to expect, and we should continue to pray. HaShem is the Rofeh Cholim and according to the zechusim will be the outcome. The zechusim (merits) that are being created by the chesed and tefilla of so many wonderful examples of acheinu bais Yisroel (our true sense of being one family) are so encouraging and powerful, that we hope to see them heal and return to themselves with a refuah shelaima, a complete and full recovery. 

We are very thankful for the improvements that both Tehilla and Rafael Dovid have made which we believe is a result of all the tefillos and efforts to evoke middas harachamim (Divine mercy). We are affected and many others have been deeply affected by this incident. As we turn this ordeal into an opportunity to become closer to HaShem through learning, tefilla, chesed and all the other spiritual efforts, it will be a direct zechus (merit) for Rafael Dovid and Tehilla (and truthfully for all of us as individuals, our families and for klal Yisroel). 

Aviva, Batsheva, Elisha,and Chaim are still staying at Sora Liba (my eldest daughter) and Binyomin's (Yudin, my son in law) home which is around the corner. Sora Liba and Binyomin along with so many wonderful unbelievable friends and special people, have been so helpful in ways that words do not adequately describe the levels of chesed and care. The chesed and sense of achrayus (responsibility) for another and others in need, is a shining tribute to the beauty and praise of klal Yisrael and the merit of being a part of the Jewish People. 

Continued tefillos and all efforts to grow, learn, and do chesed for others, in the merit of our children that they should have a refuah shelaima, and in the merit of so many others who are sick or in need of our prayers and attention, is greatly appreciated and is critical at this time. It's important to know that each of us and our small efforts go a very long way. 

Again, we are humbled and thankful by all the care and efforts for our children. We hope that soon we can look back, with everyone well and healthy, and recognize the many aspects of Kiddush HaShem that will come from this chapter in our lives and shared by so many others, our friends and family along with so many we don't even know.

Elazar Grunberger

October 27, 2006 12:34 am

Last night was 2 weeks since the "accident". Keeping perspective, B"H we all survived. I still don't know exactly what happened, I was knocked unconscious and don't remember a thing but what ever version of the story I hear, it is a chesed of HaShem that we are alive.

Aviva, Elisha and Chaim are doing well. Elisha and Chaim went for follow up appointments today for their issues and are healing. They are back in school 1/2 days and hopefully next week they'll be back a full day. Aviva is basically back in full swing.

Tehilla was transferred yesterday to St. Louis Children's Hospital, rehab unit. We think this is the best match. Many were of the opinion that she should be in an adult rehab hospital but Children's Hospital is fine with a 17 year old and their program is excellent. At first glance, they think she will be in this rehab program a minimum of 4 weeks, no one really knows how long. I really don't care; I just want her back all the way to her old self and stronger. I spoke to the Head of the program today who is a Pediatric Neurologist and he said that she isn't the same person who he read about yesterday in her files. Over the last few days, she has made significant improvements. Now with an intensive rehab program, her improvements we hope will be taken to new levels. Today, they downsized her trache for the second time, tomorrow they will downsize again or plug it and see how she does. The next step after this is to remove it IM"H. Within the day, their are very encouraging steps like things she writes which is coherent. At times she doesn't respond as we'd like but this is part of the course. In other words, B"H she is making progress and with the help of all tefillos and spiritual efforts on her behalf, we hope she'll have a FULL recovery. 

Rafael Dovid is also going in the right direction. The MRI results came yesterday and show that B"H there was no damage to his neck or spine. This is huge. The other good news was that there were no surprises. What they saw in the CT Scans is confirmed by the MRI and no other major issues. He has been opening his eyes but due to the medications, what he sees and what he processes is questionable. Today the nurses were convinced that he is hearing based on his increase heart rate when I was speaking to him and singing to him. The next 2 weeks are very critical for a number of reasons. Tomorrow they will attempt to take him off the respirator. They may or may not need to give him a trache. Now is the evaluation time to see what's going on in his head. There is some areas that are damaged but the consequences are unknown. No one can say; it's all in HaShem's Hands. This is an important time to be specific in our tefillos that Rafael Dovid ben Brocha should come through with a refuah SHELAIMA with no handicaps, no deficits, and no limitations. He should be able to regain all his senses and faculties in order to serve HaShem properly with a healthy and wonderful productive life! Tefilla works and HaShem wants us to daven by which we are affirming where the Source of all refuahs and brochos come from. Being specific in our davening is also important and makes our tefillos more real. 

We know that Teshuva, Tefilla, and Tsedakah ma'avirin is roah hagazeira, can annul a bad decree. I was speaking to the Rosh Yeshiva (Rav Noach Weinberg) and he shared some valuable insights which I'd like to share just a few. One, Teshuva is first in the order. There are many tefillos said but teshuva should be addressed in a serious way. When anyone is touched by an incident or difficult situation, this is a message from HaShem to help us change and become better. There is no question that I'm a different person after this ordeal and hopefully a better person; I'm trying... The avodah, the effort (one of the aspects of teshuva) is to be "koneh" to internalize and make these changes permanent within me. The same goes for whoever is touched by this, each according to how ever much one is affected by this. Then of course, it's important to look deep inside and try to figure out some important life lessons. He asked me about our budget problems, money issues... ha ha, getting stressed or bent out of shape because of money???.... I can say very confidently that there are some more stressful and important challenges, issues and problems to be dealt with... Problems with difficult people and interpersonal relationships??? It pales to this! Now my job is to be "koneh", to live this understanding and make it real. This is an aspect of Teshuvah, of changing. There is of course more to the Teshuva issue but this is a beginning. He mentioned another interesting point that the EFFORT to do Teshuva is also a Tefilla, a prayer. 

Again, Brocha and I are humbled and deeply indebted to the outpour of kindness through the concern, the tefillos, the many initiatives and chesed projects all in the zechus, the merit of a refuah shelaima of our children.

We ask HaShem that He respond in kind with chesed and rachamim to give Tehilla and Rafael Dovid and speedy and complete recovery in every way.

Thank you,

Elazar Grunberger

October 25, 2006 1:25 am

All the many tefilos and tehilim that are being said, the teshuva and personal spiritual growth that is inspired through this ordeal, the tsedakah and many chesed efforts going on all over, are all making an impact without a doubt, B"H. 

Tehilla is making progress. B"H each day is better than the day before and she is responding more to commands. There are times when she seems to be despondent and a little confused. I need to remind myself that her improvements are very significant in light of the fact that she has had a traumatic experience that she is still basically unaware of what happened, she has had 2 surgeries on her leg and jaw, and she has a head injury and is in pain. She is basically breathing on her own but still has a trach which is very uncomfortable for her. She has developed a slight pneumonia. Despite all this, she has been responding and doing a little more day by day. 

Several Doctors and therapists came to see her over the last several days and she has followed basic instructions. A second Neurologist came to evaluate her yesterday and she also followed his commands such as "look here or there" "hold up 2 fingers" and SHE DID!!! Thumbs up for YES, thumbs down for NO. He was more positive and optimistic about her long term prognosis. He saw the damaged areas on her MRI but no one can say for sure what consequences there could be. The injured areas can heal, the brain can find other ways to compensate for injured areas without noticing any differences, or one may possibly experience some limitations (lo aleinu). Based on Tehilla's progress and the Doctor's evaluation (I'll add: and all the spiritual efforts which propel and give merit for the physical successes and achievements), the general feeling is quite encouraging and positive, B"H. She could have a complete recovery BE"H, it will take some time. This is a test of patience which we hope will teach us the value of time and not to take our most valuable gifts for granted. 

Rafael Dovid opened his eyes for the first time yesterday! He was agitated when the nurses were messing with his lines and medications. These are all good signs. I've never seen people celebrate over a bowel movement! Yesterday and the day before, the nurses rejoiced in changing some pretty awful diapers. He was taken for his first MRI this evening. The results will be available tomorrow. IM"H it will be positive.

Later this past evening, Dovid's eyes were 1/2 opened. He must of been scared not knowing what's going on around him. I spoke with him, said Shema with him along with some tehillim. I think he was aware and slowly coming out of the deep sedation. The goal is to wean him off the respirator over the next few days. He will then be further evaluated and start with Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy.

Our hopes and tefila is that we will see him pull through all the way! Tefila, Teshuva, Tsedakah, chesed all in his zechus and in the zechus of Tehilla, absolutely makes the difference. We are davening for a complete recovery and we need to think positive. The future is only known to G-d. Our job is to continue to pray fervently, introspect and figure out how we can become better people through this (teshuva), to do kindness to others and give tsedakah. These are the real ingredients for a complete recovery and we hope that HaShem will grant Tehilla bas Bracha, Rafael Dovid ben Bracha a complete healing and recovery along with all the other cholei Yisrael.

Again, Brocha and I thank everyone for their concern, tefilos, chesed, and mesiros nefesh. Each day is so critical to their healing and developments. We appreciate all tefilos and efforts on their behalf.

Thank you,

Elazar Grunberger

October 22, 2006 2:21 am

My wife and 2 of Tehilla's closest friends stayed with her at the hospital. (Rafael Dovid is in the hospital next door which is connected to each other). We're very concerned about Tehilla's prognosis. It's like a waiting game. On the one hand we have seen her open her eyes, she has followed some commands, she has even purposefully looked at us. Her lack of response other than the above could be because of a number of reasons and BE"H with time all will improve. Her MRI shows some damage but again this does not have to mean a long term negative prognosis. It's a big unknown. It's very clear that she needs lots of rachmei Shamayim and our tefillos, teshuva, tsedakah, and learning in her zechus for a COMPLETE refuah shelaima is what will make the difference. It's very hard to watch and not know when she'll come out of this. Her sedation medication is off, she's on the vent but is basically breathing on her own. She's just not fully responding yet. We deeply appreciate all the efforts on her behalf. 

Rafael Dovid is stable. Still sedated, still on the respirator,still hasn't open his eyes. They removed his head swelling monitors today and he raised his arms as a response to the discomfort which is a good sign I'm told. Within the next few days they'll wean him from the sedation and we hope all will go well and he'll have a solid recovery. 

Elisha and Chaim are healing. Elisha is in his sling and arm brace. Chaim is in the wheel chair but this is all temporary. They are all staying around the corner at Sora Liba (my daughter) and Binyomin's (Yudin) home along with Aviva and Batsheva. 

Leah's "l'chaim" I see from the pictures and hear from many was beautiful. We're so happy for her and be"H we hope and daven that our entire family with all our friends will be able to dance at her wedding.

Shmulie (19) has been a tremendous help. He's off be"H on Tuesday morning for Slabodka in Bnei Brak. It's a big move for him but we think he'll do great there.

Bracha and I thank everyone for their kindness, thoughtfulness, tefillos, learning, chesed projects and more. This is a very difficult test which we hope will conclude with the kids all becoming well and back to themselves along with a Kiddush HaShem and kavod Shamayim through all the increased efforts in ruchnius.

May this be a new week and a new month of b'soros tovos, yeshuos, v'nechamos and a refuah shelaima to all cholei Yisroel.

Elazar Grunberger

October 19, 2006 8:12 pm

First, I want to again acknowledge all the chasdei HaShem and the tremendous chasadim coming from so many who are davening, learning, and caring in many different ways. To say that our community in St. Louis has been tremendously supportive would still be an understatement. To begin to count the numerous calls, emails, and messages from around the world would almost be impossible. 

Rafael Dovid ben Bracha (haLevi) has made some significant improvements. He's still sedated and on the respirator but they believe the swelling around his brain has already peaked and is on the way to healing. They have reduced several medications and believe that soon, maybe tonight or tomorrow he'll start making some movements. Then they will slowly begin to evaluate the extent of the head injuries. I believe this is an important time to daven that they'll be pleasantly surprised and experience the nissim and chesed HaShem that he'll come out shalaim with no handicaps or limitations. 

Tehilla bas Bracha is stable, basically breathing on her own. She's been slow to respond and follow commands but we're told that this is not uncommon after all the sedatives and pain medications that are in her system. She was taken for an MRI 4 hours ago and we don't yet know the results. Im"H, the MRI will confirm that her bruises are healing and that she's on the path to a FULL recovery. I just got a call that she started responding and following some commands. She's being moved out of ICU tomorrow which is in itself a good sign. She still needs lots of tefilos and IM"H she'll soon be back to her full self with no consequences from her head injuries.

Elisha and Chaim are home healing; not yet back at school but doing real well.

Another expression of Chesed HaShem.............. it's my pleasure to share with everyone that our daughter Leah (in Israel) became a Kallah this afternoon to Reuven Sipel from South Africa. There will be a l'chaim on Motzei Shabbos at the Morgenstern's, 38 Chazon Ish, Ramat Shlomo. We're thrilled and looking forward to everyone becoming well and able to dance at her chasuna. The plan is that they'll hopefully visit St. Louis within the next few weeks. Mazel Tov!!

2 more points.

One, I am writing on behalf on my wife as well. She's been at the hospital almost around the clock and is holding up very well, B"H. She also expresses her tremendous hakaras hatov to everyone for davening, saying Tehillim, learning, taking on mitzvos, and other expressions of help towards our family becoming well and stable. 

Two, again I must say, my kids improvement and refuah, is a direct result of all the increased zechusim going on around the world through, tefila, chesed, teshuva and tsedakah. We deeply and sincerely thank HaShem and everyone who is participating.

May we hear and share b'soros tovos and experience yeshuos v'nechamos.

Elazar Grunberger

October 18, 2006 12:47 am

Again, I thank everyone for their tefilos and efforts to create zechusim for Rafael Dovid and Tehilla. The achdus, tefilos, learning, and mitzvos in their merit is absolutely working, bli a"h.

Tehilla had her jaw surgery today and the Doctor feels very positive and optimistic. They didn't need to wire her jaw as originally thought. At this point her leg fracture, jaw fractures, and head injuries are healing. They hope to wean her off the respirator tomorrow and hopefully she'll respond in the best way that can be expected. We daven for a COMPLETE recovery and that she'll have no limitations or consequences from the injuries. The Doctors have no way of saying for sure but are very optimistic based on the xrays and CT scan, B"H. The tefilos will make the difference.

Rafael Dovid has been stable for the last 48 hours. They now hope to start weaning him off the different medications. Today they started giving him little doses of nutrition. He's still in very critical condition but it's like an official turning point for the better, B"H. The next 3 days will be very telling and as he continues to respond positively with stability, they will wean him off the respirator as well. As the swelling around the brain subsides, they will then try to assess the impact of the injury. Here too, it's all in HaShem's Hands and we daven that he will come through with no deficits, limitations, or handicaps but with a refuah shelaima.

Elisha is BE"H coming home tomorrow morning. He's in good spirits. He has a broken thumb and clavicle along with his impressive gash on his left forehead. Visitors are allowed to speak with him between innings during the playoffs. He'll be coaching Pujols after school hours and wants to retire LaRoussa and take over. (may this be the only affect of his head injury). He's turning 12 in a few days and will continue all his various extra learning projects to make siyumim during the year and for his Bar Mitzvah.

Chaim (Eliyahu Chaim- age 9) is healing. He's confined to a wheel chair for a while and then back to crutches. His fracture should be healed in 6 weeks, be"H. He has memorized 121 mitzvos (Sefer Madah, Ahava and Zemanim) which we reviewed today. The plan is for him to hopefully return to school tomorrow for at least part of the day.

Aviva (15) returned to school today for a few hours. She's doing well.

We deeply appreciate HaShem's kindness in answering the outcry of the many tefilos around the world. The chapters of the "master plan" can play out in any number of ways. We thank HaShem and continue to daven that this chapter and the chapters to follow will be filled with joy, yeshuos, nechamos, and clearly evident of the Yad HaShem in every detail that goes on around us.

With deep appreciation to HaShem and to everyone,

Elazar Grunberger

October 12, 2006 7:32 am

Thank you for your tephilos. Please keep it up.

Aviva Rochel was discharged; still obviously shaken up.

Eliyahu Chaim ben Brocha is going to have surgery with the next 3 hours on his hip.

Tehilla bas Brocha is stable. I think they did surgery last night on her leg. She has some head injuries which they say will be OK. Her broken jaw will need attention within the next week.

Elisha is stable. They are keeping him sedated but I'm told he'll be 100%, be"H.

Dovid is in very critical condition. Swelling on the brain. We are davening that the swelling subsides and he'll become more stable.

It's all b'dei HaShem. 

Thank you,

Elazar